And to Think We Let Our Children Carol to These Abominations!

and so here we are again in the yule season (what's a yule? is that like a hybrid of a yak and a mule? why would we celebrate its log then?). anyway...it's a stressful time of year, as we all know. shopping pressure and cost, memories of lost loved ones and fighting with, perhaps planning the imminent death of, the loved ones you still have...almost everyone i know is grouchy and anxious and stressed and broke. fa-ra-ra-ra-ra....

so it's important to remember the whole point of Christmas. and for me, that's Jesus and the love and hope and redemption he brings. and family all piled on top of each other. and food. and giving presents is fun, too. especially if it's something totally personal and unique and surprising. that, i like.

and Christmas carols are alright. especially the pervy ones. i laid out my favorite Christmas date rape song last year.

this year, i'd like to note (with alarm!) some of the lyrics of my favorite holiday infidelity song...

Winter Wonderland (1934 by Felix Bernard and Richard B. Smith)

He'll say: Are you married?
We'll say: No man,
But you can do the job
When you're in town.

so all my life i've thought "WHAT JOB?" geez! what is this "parson" fella getting away with while he's in town?! and are we really expected to believe that this conspiring little vixen who likes to lie by the fire is unmarried? we KNOW she's a stone cold freak who likes to play in "the eskimo way." i don't even want to know.

but, in reviewing the available information....i have to admit that i didn't entirely know what the words were leading up to and following this phrase, and now that i see that "Parson Brown" is a snowman (and, furthermore, that "parson" means "minister"....), perhaps i jumped to conclusions.

nah. i stand by my position that this song is sketchy and must be stopped.

To Cut or Not to Cut: A Discussion on Baby Woo-woo Trimming

so i was recently talking to a coworker about her soon-to-be-on-this-planet male child (or, you know, out of amniotic fluid and into fresh air? is that better?) and whether or not she plans to circumcise him upon his arrival. people seem to be considering this more often, instead of just doing it routinely. anecdotally, i've observed a trend away from circumcision over the past few years, when it's been widely considered the norm in most cultures in the US for many years.

it is definitely a cultural thing. in the US, reports i found showed that between 55-90% of the population is circumcised. it varies by race and age and country of origin within the US population, also. but in the UK, it's more like 15%. it seems that if it's not a religious custom, than we generally do for our boys whatever the males of our community have had done to them. (or you know, theirs).

but just because dad and grandpa were or weren't (eck), does that make it right? is there any true need to have it done? is there a right answer here?

here are the reasons i find AGAINST circumcising (mostly given by hippies, so if you smell a faint aroma of patchouli while you read this- that's why):

1. he will lose all the best parts of his wang-doodle and all that sensitivity!
2. it is archaic. initiated back when Jews lived nomadic lives and wore sandals in dirt floor abodes and bathed rarely...we don't have those hygiene issues anymore and it's easier to keep the 'bits and pieces' clean.
3. it is unnecessary pain inflicted on a poor bebe
4. there is risk of things going amiss and leaving the child malformed for life or in danger with a major complication (on this note- there is a large amount of material out there and it isn't very conclusive, but known complications are rare, according to most studies i found (cdc says 0.2- 2.0%), and mostly include infection, bleeding, and not removing enough foreskin).

and now the reasons FOR circumcising (and these are usually argued by the kill-joys, so if you smell the faint odor of fluoride and low fat butter substitute, that's why):

1. don't worry about losing a little sensitivity- some would argue this is a good thing!
2. even in our much cleaner society, a lot of grime can still develop under the foreskin. this is known as smegma (SO TOTALLY NOT MAKING THIS UP!)
3. if done in the baby's first day of life, they have zero memory of the pain, and they rebound very quickly (anesthesia usually involved a sugar sucker and nothing more)
4. and most importantly in my book- there is increased risk of HIV and other STD's with the warm and moist little winkie umbrella still in place for infections to brew in. (interestingly, today in the news there was an article about Africa pushing circumcision as an AIDS prevention method). there is also a significant increase in UTI's and a small increased risk for penile cancer and, subsequently, cervical cancer (in female partners of the uncircumcised) from HPV transmission. and then, there's always phimosis and paraphimosis where the foreskin either can't retract back behind the glans or is stuck retracted and swells and can't get back around...and then penis tissue dies painfully. not good.

so that is my small analysis of the foreskin situation. take from it what you will and pipe up w/ comments or questions if you have them.

toodles!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

News Flash: Life is Big Suck

i heard a proclamation today from one of the nurses that "the world is ending. people can't go on. we're too evil." she was referring to a series of murders and other violent crimes we'd just heard summarized on the news in the break room. is she right?

i'm usually quite the optimist, but lately i've also been feeling pretty defeated. tell me how to get through this one. i've been sick to my stomach since hearing about the recent heinous gang rape and attempted murder of a 15 y/o girl in richmond, california at a homecoming dance where, apparently, some 10 people were involved in the attack and another 12 witnessed it and did NOTHING except maybe take some photos and videos on their cell phones. i mean- seriously? wtf? can that really be explained at all with saying it was "alcohol induced" as the cnn article described it? can we blame this on booze? or on group mentality where an individual's boundaries and rules change when fueled by the force and enthusiasm of the group? or did this some 20 guys all have terrible upbringings and are subsequently void of empathy? does this school recruit all the area sociopaths? what could possibly explain this??

there must be something in the news that will re-store my faith in humanity. some girl scout saved a dolphin from a burning building? anything?? let's see....we've got the snipers re-visted, the fort hood massacre, the teenagers in florida who deliberately set their friend on fire....hmmmm...what else? oh! here's a fun looking article entitled "how to defend yourself against pirates"....oh, but wait. it's for real. drag.

and kareem abdul-jabbar has leukemia. of course he does.

but at least 'hurricane ida' has been downgraded to a tropical depression.

that's appropriate.

i mean...for reals...is there any doubt why i prefer to read celebrity gossip than real news? like i'm only pretend worried about the state of fergie and josh's marriage. no real angst required. ya know?

sigh. well, i guess 'sesame street' turns 40 this week, so that's good. and on that note, this makes me laugh out loud.

i guess that's the only answer i've come up with so far. keep laughing. take joy in little things like little kids do. i saw a bundled-up dad scurrying into a gas station tonight holding his toddler son. the dad looked stressed and hurried. the son looked ecstatic. SHINY BUILDING! AND MAYBE CANDY IN MY FUTURE!

that's how i'm gonna try to get through the day.

maybe there will be candy.

Halloween and Yes, I Love Technology

(but not as much as you, you see)

so we enjoyed the bounty of halloween this year with a trip to a fund-raiser haunted house on friday night followed by a drive through of the most decorated street in the area. almost all the houses on the street participate and they go all out. as in entire fabricated houses in front of the real houses and pirate ships and stuff. (i kept wondering if they warn new home buyers who are shopping in, say, july, just what is expected of them come october). and we went to see the halloween festivities at the zoo yesterday and then stayed home to welcome tricker treaters last night. we had a pretty good number of them. fun costumes included a young billy mays, several adorable captain jack sparrows, a geisha, and an apologetic hanna montana who, reportedly, had already lost her wig. and we noticed that kids are either more polite now than we used to be, or more afraid of stranger danger, because they were really quiet when approaching our house. i'd hear a light tap on the door or shuffling feet but very few "TRICK OR TREAT"s at the top of young lungs. i thought annoying all your neighbors was part of the fun.

anyway. we also just bought new iphones. the BHE has been wanting one for a while, and we finally broke down and did it. they're pretty cool. i have to say that the Apple company is doing things right. they're so hip, they appeal to every demographic. while we were at the Apple store there was a demo class on iphones for senior citizens ("but where does the answering machine tape plug in??"). and then a group of middle school age boys came in and knowing exactly how to use all the gadgets they touched- instead of causing mayhem they played quietly and respectfully. it was like a commercial. or a cult.

October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month

the shirt i wore during the half marathon last week says "SAVE THE BOOBS: Big or Small Support Them All" on the front and "Help Save Second Base" on the back. i didn't do the local breast cancer 3 day walk this year, but i plan to recruit as many people as i can and do it next year. there is power in what these women are doing. power and change. if you want to look into breast cancer prevention, screening or the movement in general- i would start here.

I Just Kept Running.

so i learned a lot about seeing things from the patient's perspective when i was a patient in the hospital in august. i've been taking a ridiculous amount of time on the floors lately worrying over all the little things that might be causing my patients pain or annoyance. like, did you know that tape HURTS when yanked off arm hair? or that those flimsy little hospital blankets just don't cut it for warmth? or that, yes, the food is as bad as it smells from across the room. and i am doubly sure to follow up on patient's questions and to give them a hard and fast discharge plan, to communicate regularly, etc. these are important stuffs. their whole world is contained in that little room and they are afraid and unsure and it's my job to help them find their way out of it. that's how i'm looking at it.

and i'm feeling like i've officially moved on from the feeling of being out of control of my body, feeble, weak and needy. i ran a half marathon today. previous to my illness the most i'd ever done was 6 mls, and during the last 7 wks recovery from my illness, the most i'd done was 4mls. so trying to tackle 13 seemed kind of psychotic...but i did it. i ran the first 9 without stopping and then i ran/walked the last 4. i am sore and tired. but feeling accomplished, blessed, and healed.

I've Been Learnt

the last couple days i was at a PA conference. it was nice to catch up with old PA school friends and professors and others. and the lectures were pretty good. everything from new hypertension treatments to vaccination recomendations to wilderness medicine rescue techniques (all the advice came down to- 'splint it, then pack it with snow.') was covered. pretty educational, if not a little boring. i have no attention span anymore.

and while i was sitting in those lectures, remembering all the things i'd forgotten, i got a little anxious about my body of knowledge and my career. i mean, other than the occasional day practicing "medicine" on the floor on post-op patients, i'm pretty specialized in a very hands-on discipline. i don't brain much while i'm at work. :) i'm afraid i'm forgetting all the medicine i learned in school. would i remember how to diagnose and treat diabetes? what about a heart attack, a rash, or head trauma? yikes. my friends in ER and internal/family medicine seem more plugged in to all this. hmmm...will have to contemplate this further. LOVE my job and always saw myself in some subspecialty (surgery, ob/gyn, etc) so maybe this is just my plight. and i'll have to study a little harder for my re-cert exams (every 6yrs) because they're on general medicine....hmmm....

Speak Spoke Write Wrote

interesting day on the floor with patients today. i noticed all the cool ways i get to communicate. as much as i whine about rounding on patients the rare weeks that i have to do it, i do always learn a lot and in just a few days the relationships you establish with the patients and their families and the juicy human interactions you're part of make it not all so bad. (i guess).

firstly, i have a spanish-speaking family of a young patient who just went through major surgery. the child (the patient) translates on her parents' behalf. how helpless would you feel as a parent at the hospital when the staff is telling you important details of your kid's health and that same kid is the only one who can understand them? not to mention- this gives said kid big responsibility to not accidentally mismanage the truth in translation. ("the doctor says i will only get better if i get a pony for my birthday...yea, yea...and i should be allowed to eat chocolate cake for breakfast everyday when i get home"). i love speaking spanish and am piss-poor at it. but i feel like a total rockstar when i'm the only staff around who can do it at all. hooray for working in a whitebread hospital in the suburbs!

then, i had a patient who formerly had a trach (after they took his larynx among other neck area important parts in a series of surgeries to resect tumors -from years of smoking- just had to say it) and now has a gaping hole in the base of his neck with no ability to speak. except that he writes! beautifully! so we had a conversation like this for a good 20 mins about his time in the airforce and what it was like to be on huge ships like the one being shown on the discovery channel on TV when i came into his room. it was lovely.

amazing how you can get a feel for the personality of someone through such limited interaction. and i mused that- like the great "silent bob"- people with few words always seem so wise! the text written on the silent patient's note pads by his bedside seems so profound. even if it just says in shaky block letters "ham sandwich" or "make that damned PA girl go away and leave me alone" it carries a lot of weight.

and on that note.

Score 0.33 for Medical Science!!

we're getting there!

together, the zany philanthropic mad scientists with all their smarts plus the "rent" cast and all their fund raising efforts have concocted a vaccine for HIV that is showing some efficacy!

how cool is that?

please read this and do a tiny anticipatory celebratory dance with me!

I Just Want to Work Already!

this has been such a weird month. not only did i have 2 weeks off for my zombie bite illness, but last year, when i requested time off for this year, i crammed all my vacation time into the end of the summer/early fall.....so i had a week's vacation before my sick leave in mid august....then i had a 5 day weekend for labor day in which we went to austin to visit friends...then this weekend we went to nyc for a wedding and i took a 4 day weekend for that. and in just 2 weeks i have my annual 1 week off for continuing education when i'll do home study for a few days and also go to a local conference for a few.

crazy, right? and expensive.

anyone need a kidney? some eggs?

Celebrating my 1st Anniversary in a Shower of Poo

so i've officially been working at MBH for 1 year as of yesterday. i can't believe i've been a real life PA for a year already! it seems like just yesterday that i was crying into text books and my classmates and i were feeling each other up under the guise of learning how to do physical exams.

i still have so much to learn, but i do recognize how far i've come. i feel mostly comfortable in almost every case i do (at least those i do fairly regularly) and i loath a little less being on the floor doing medicine the rare times i have to do that.

i have some goals for this next year. i want to learn to do some pretty invasive floor procedures that will raise my skills, knowledge, and stock. and i want to get back into learning and reading. i've read almost nothing clinical over the last year and it's time to get back into it. i'm forgetting a lot that i learned already and i need to review and update. (i might be woefully behind in my clinical skills and can't correctly diagnose heart failure, but this year i did read the ENTIRE sookie stackhouse vampire novel series and can chronical her sexploits with vampires, were wolves, were tigers....the list goes on. impressed?).

WHAT ABOUT THE POO you ask? that's another resolution i have for next year. don't inadvertently pull off a patient's VERY full colostomy bag onto myself, the floor, and everyone around me right before we're going to start a case. this happened today. and remember that show "you can't do that on television" where the liquidy slime stuff came out of the sky? that was sort of the consistency of the goo. and the smell- woo! the whole surgical area smelled like a slaughter house farted. so....i won't do that again. what i will continue to do is have spare socks in my locker just in case.

I Feel Very Much on the Outside of this Healthcare Coverage Debate

we've been really fortunate as far as health insurance goes. our jobs have always been full time and included benefits and allowed us to pay in our few hundred bucks a month and they chipped in the rest for good private insurance. and we've had great jobs that for the most part haven't laid us off and even in the down times between jobs, one of us has always worked with benefits. and, of course, we've always found it important enough to pay in even when we were doing nothing but paying since we were healthy, healthy, healthy and never required any pay outs.

until now.

i was a little worried all week while in the hospital that we might have crazy high bills to deal with when we got home (since, once again, we've never actually USED our insurance so i've only always assumed it was good, but didn't really know). i actually almost stopped my dad from opening a second box of kleenex one day while i was still in the critical unit just in case they charged ($12 a pop, no doubt!!) per item.

so i got my bill from the MBH today and my total charges for 6 days in the hospital with all those specialists and all those tests (and all that kleenex!!) was some $42,000.00. (what the what??)

but guess how much i have to pay?

$47.50.

priceless.

PLEASE STOP TELLING ME HOW SICK I WAS!

i got the memo. you thought i was going to die. it's not really helping me now to hear it over and over again. this is just after coming from the cancer center at the "MBH" following up with my hematologist/oncologist. first of all, scary as hell to have to go there. i never want to have to go to a cancer center for anything they'd want to see me for. (before you get your knickers in a wad- everything is totally groovy. my labs are behaving just like they should in the event of a funky virus. no scary cancers or blood disorders and even after i pushed, pushed, pushed- frankly became the annoying pushy patient who seems to be begging for painful, invasive procedures- the MD reassured me that further testing will be limited and she has ZERO suspicions based on all the findings she's seen that there's a cancer lurking somewhere in my depths ). so that's a relief.

but this is also after two other docs i saw this week and last both looked at me from across the little exam room and shook their heads like, "i can't believe you look so much like a human now after you resembled a soggy puppet for so long" and said things like "do you know how sick you were?" and, when the aide couldn't get blood from my ruined veins at one of the appointments (don't they just have too many perforations in them after a certain number of needle sticks? wouldn't it be like a sprinkler head and just start sort of sprinkling out everywhere? must make note to ask poor, abused heme/onc on next visit), the MD referred to me as "the poor woman who's been through so much."

just stop.

i'm back at work and for the most part, feeling really strong. let's all just let my bruises heal and let me get back on my feet and be as strong as i know i am again. let's not see me as a tragic, broken doll, but as a horse. or ox. or bull. or some other labor animal.

Well, well, well.

i spent the last week in the hospital. i have lots of lurid details for you and perhaps amusing/scary tales to regal you with. but give me a day to continue to heal and to collect my thoughts. here are the basics, which i wrote up for a friend earlier. i'll fill in the rest later-

i started a temp two wednesdays ago and went to the ER because it was up to 103 or something and i was worried. everything was well, they said it was a virus and they sent me home. so it persisted and i started getting a cough and stuff, but mostly just bad chills/sweats. fever went up to 105 on sunday night despite around the clock tylenol, cold baths, ice packs. so i was admitted last sunday and they had me in there until just 2 days ago, saturday. they ran every test in the book for everything from viruses to wacky bacterial infections to HIV and cancers and lupus and never found anything relevant. but my fevers lasted for days at that high temp despite all measures. and my blood counts got all wacky- pancytopenia- had to get 6 units of platelets over 2 days, etc. with all the fluid, i ended up in some CHF and had to be diuresed. eventually my counts improved and fever broke (after a few relapses) and i got to come home. it was taxing. exhausting. but my family, the BHE's family, and my friends and coworkers were extremely supportive. and now i'm home.

now more later. must rest.

Where Did I Go?

sorry about the forever long delay between messages. i've been on a much needed vacation this last week. up in the woods with my family is just what the PA ordered.

last week i was on the floor following post-op patients but i'm with a new group of surgeons (we rotate every 6 months) so this was a veeeery laid back week compared to when i follow the other group. i got to see and do some interesting things and also was able to scrub in the OR at least once a day, since i had all luxurious afternoon time after i was done rounding. it was very tra-la!

i will be more diligent about blogging once i'm back from vaca. hope all is well out there...

Ah, Heck, Little Guy

so we veeeeery rarely have pediatric patients (under age 21, actually) but today i did an appendectomy on an 11 year old. tiny little guy was all shaky with fear and pain and cold. i just wanted to scoop him up and take him away from the big mean people with knives. but then that wouldn't have fixed his problem, which was as he described, "my appendix really hurts."

all went well and he will be merrily on his way home to drive his parents crazy quite soon.

Boobs, Butts and Everything in Between

have been doing a LOT of plastics lately. i think i tallied up all the hours i spent sewing last week and it was something like 15. that's a lot of work for the same pair of hands. i don't have a back up set or anything. of course the surgeons do a whole lot more, but as they are more skilled and efficient than yours truly, they cover a lot more ground.

i enjoy plastics immensely. generally speaking you're making someone more content with their image and you're not operating on critically ill people. (the main exception to this is burn victims, which i *thankfully* don't see much of). you're also doing a lot of breast reconstruction post cancer, so it feels valuable to help give back some of the identity and dignity lost.

plus...it's fun! the outcome looks great most of the time! they went from floppy to fabulous! that's very satisfying. and the bigger the better. it's like mowing the lawn when the grass is knee-high. just look how much better it looks!

You Wanna Get High?

recent news has revealed how very weak we health professionals can be when it comes to money and drugs.

evidently if the king of pop asks you for a script for xanax you don't ask any pertinent questions like "hey, mike, you aren't already popping some 10-30 a night, are you?" and if he asks you to gank some propofol for him from the hospital, you happily comply. sad.

and if you yourself want some jollies and pills aren't enough for you, why not shoot up? a scrub tech in denver was recently discovered to be stealing syringes filled with fentanyl from the OR and injecting them in herself. so firstly, she was gaining access to something only anesthesia should be handling and was taking an extremely potent pain killer on a regular basis. and THEN she was refilling the syringes with saline and putting them back, so the patients, while paralyzed by other anesthesia drugs so they couldn't speak up, were getting no pain relief during surgery. and THEN, she knew all along that she had hepatitis C, but still gave back her dirty needle to be used on thousands of patients...and now 9 patients have been found to have hep C!! just atrocious.

when you sign on to practice health care you have all kinds of written and verbal ethics agreements and licensing boards you answer to, and always the threat of litigation. but that's not enough. deep down, you need to have some compassion for humans to get into it in the first place or you can be a major weapon. it's very scary. patients are so vulnerable to us, we cannot be this weak. we owe them more.

sigh.

What Do You Get When You Cross...

a cheetah + a moose + sher khan from "the jungle book" + a horse + the 2009 international yodeling champion???

our new dog.

he's huge (94lbs) and loud. he definitely makes his presence known. i think some of it is just that he's adjusting to the new digs, the new schedule, new food, new roommates. we also get the impression that he was rather spoiled in his previous home (fat! so fat!). so with a little time and training, i think he'll quiet down. but he will not get much smaller, though. that's for sure. he's just a tank of a dog. he has to make a 3 point turn like a semi truck in our narrow hallways to change direction. we could easily saddle him and give pony rides to the neighborhood children.

good times. :)

Looooong Short Week

my week started rough. i was on call monday night and was there scrubbed from 11 until 3 in the bloody morning, and so stayed over at the hospital in the call room so i could start my 7am regular shift "fresh." then, that day my case started at 8am and i was scrubbed all the way until 3pm doing an extensive plastics case wherein i sewed for a straight 2.5 hrs. aaaaahhhh!!! remember the game tetris and how if you played for enough hours in a row when you went to bed that night you'd still see little rows of squares lining up? that's how i was after that day. i could totally see the plane of dermis i was suturing to...back and forth, back and forth. into eternity in my sleep.

the rest of the week was better, but i'm still catching up on sleep. running a lot. did 5mls monday afternoon and another 6mls this morning. it's been easier since the weather seems more like october than july. we're officially off today but i'm on call during the day this holiday weekend. will be just kind of lying low. we are fostering a second dog from the rescue organization from which we adopted our first dog...so that adventure starts this afternoon.

happy drinking cheap beer and scaring each other with firecrackers to celebrate our nation's birthday! more soon.....

More Tasty

one last fresh and tasty meal that the BHE made last week since we're on our healthy and delicious cooking kick. Bankok Drunken Noodles. amazing. fresh and bright and spicy- depending on how much thai chili sauce you use (he did that in place of the fresh red chilis). maybe a little time consuming, but definitely worth it. and it made enough for 4 meals!

What is The World Coming To?

well, my day was better than that of the medical staff at UCLA Medical Center where some poor schmuck was doing chest compressions thinking to himself "I CANNOT LET THE KING OF POP DIE ON MY WATCH! OH SWEET SHIT, PLEASE WAKE UP/REBOOT!"

i was observing today what a weird place the hospital is. here we are doing various serious things like taking out bowel and thyroid cancers and fixing old ladies' fractured hips (and to maybe a lesser degree- making breastsesses perky and full). but what were we all talking about? Jacko and John +4 and Kate +4.

does that make us jaded and sick? nah. it's just survival i guess.

you know what IS sick? denise richards as a nuclear physicist in "The World is Not Enough" playing on TV right now. say what?

I'm a Total Pansy/Turning Over a New (Basil) Leaf

so i didn't go to my reunion. i stayed home and hung out with my family watching our team win a baseball game instead. and i don't feel the least bit bad about it. i was hemming and hawing about whether i should bother driving the two hours to get there and then when we got on the road there was construction everywhere, so i just saw it as a sign and came back home. i also did not want to have to get dressed up and wear special underroos and nylons just to look slick in my pencil skirt. and i didn't want to have to make small talk with a bunch of people i barely knew then and certainly don't know now....like i said- total pansy. so i'll catch up w/ the few people i missed at a later date and will amuse myself with all the facebook pics that have been posted. it appears that everyone is as slim and pretty as they used to be, so that fact alone would have spoiled much of my evening's enjoyment. (evil).

and i'm taking control of my health. i decided this weekend that i am (oh geez) training for a half marathon in october. yikes. the BHE and i have also decded that we've been taking all kinds of shortcuts with our diet lately. not only are we not as balanced and low fat as we should be...but we're being poor vegetarians by eating tons of fake meat soy products (fake burgers, fake chicken, fake lunch meat, etc), eating out a lot, and making only super quick, simple meals. so now that our herbs in our herb garden are falling over they'e so huge- we're starting to cook healthy veggie food from scratch again. you should have seen the produce haul we got from the grocery store this weekend. like garden of eden.

Day #1 Vegetarian Stuffed Grape Leaves (Dolmades)- totally delicious. rather time consuming. 2 WW pts for 3 of them- recipe came from WW cook book. used lots of our fresh dill. hmmm....

Day #2 Bowtie pasta with Basil, Cilantro, Spinach, and Goat Cheese- mixed the basils i've been growing- fresh purple, spicy, and sweet basil, plus fresh cilantro (coriander). very tasty. made huge amount for lunches this week.

...and now i'm craving peanut butter ice cream. must fight impulse. eat an apricot. that'll be just as good...yea, that's it....

Hummus and Hematomas

well, the good thing this week is that i've eaten spicy hummus for my last 3 meals. i like that.

the bad thing this week has been everything else.

it's been crazy busy on the floor as usual. seeing about 18 fairly complicated patients daily including writing notes and orders, providing wound care and preparing them for discharge. often not eating lunch until i'm about to leave for the day. pulling my hair out and running around in circles.

and, in case i'm not nervous enough about messing someone up good....earlier this week i did a very minor procedure at bedside that shouldn't be at all a big ordeal, but somehow this one caused the patient much bleeding and agony. in retrospect, it was sort of a fluke and nothing i could have prevented. but that hasn't stopped me from feeling a lot of guilt and angst about it. sometimes things happen that are unfortunate but unpreventable. i know this, logically. but i took little comfort in this while watching the patient writhe over something my hands had done. ya know?

but that patient is coming through the ordeal relatively unscathed and my week is almost over. this weekend is my (gulp) 10 year high school reunion. i couldn't be more excited (terrified) to go and am really looking forward to catching up with all my old school chums (drinking too much and exposing myself to the captain of the football team). i'll keep you posted about how everything goes (are the mean girls chubby now? will anyone recognize me without my goth makeup and smirk? will there be any pig's blood? it's an open bar, right?).

cheers!

Well...

post bachelorette party. had a ball with all my girl cousins and the bride's friends. was a bit over served from our very own personal bartender from our fancy martini bar (ahem- we are VERY important)..but all in all, had a great time.

and almost fully recovered now and back to work and on the floor at work this week. running around like a headless chicken as usual. but surviving. taking care of a lot of really sick people...it's hard but not all miserable....it's also a good learning opportunity. yes. that is how i'll look at it.

and in those moments of stress i'm trying NOT to eat my weight in cookies since i'm going to my 10 yr high school reunion this weekend and trying to fit into wee little skirt. we'll see. might have to wear sweatpants/moo moo. i'll let you know.

Ay, Dios Mio

so, back in the day i used to waitress at a mexican restaurant where we threw a big 'ol bash for cinco de mayo every year. no one knew what it represented to actual mexican people, but let me tell you, it was, like, THE HOLIDAY for drunken white people making asses out of themselves over melted cheese. and we would show up before lunch and slave away all day, winding our way through crowds of drunken a-holes with trays of hot beans and weak drinks. we were even blessed with wedding party after wedding party pouring in post-reception (i'm not joking- in their gowns and tuxes and everything) demanding silly girly drinks that didn't involve tequila. and we'd stay until 2 in the morning and leave with a few hundred dollars of really hard earned money. it wasn't as much fun as it sounds.

this is why i finished college.

so now that i make a billion dollars a year as a hot shot PA, mostly my days are peaceful and zen-like. but today was madness!! i followed an orthopedic surgeon as he jumped between 2 rooms doing a total of something like 10 cases. and since every other PA in the department was scrubbed in equally crazy situations, i was also running to pre-op and up to the floor and every which way every spare moment i got trying to get all the other chores done that needed doing.

as i left the last case and stumbled toward my locker in a blur, i swear i smelled cilantro and heard someone scream for another cerveza.

ay dios mio.

So Far So Good: Surviving the Economic Slump

pretty much the longest day ever. this week has been busy, busy in the OR world. running from case to case, juggling rooms, fitting in emergencies. it's been nuts. which is good, mostly, as it was kinda quiet for a while and everyone was getting squirrelly, worrying about our jobs in this economy and all.

but, fortunately/depressingly, people still smoke and need wedges of their lungs removed to take out tumors. people still over eat and need the plaque scraped out of their vessels. people still do nothing wrong at all and require their gall bladders, appendixes, and thyroids excavated. shoot, some people still need bigger boobs and smaller noses, just cuz they do. so i guess we'll always have business. cheers!

What's Up in the World of Health/I am SoTired and Lame

so i've been trying hard lately to prove that i'm still young (nope) and hip (not even close) by partying a bunch last weekend and then going to concerts 2 nights in a row this week on school nights. needless to say, if the hipster kids at the show giving me withering looks like i was somebody's buzz-kill mom wasn't enough to tell me i need to slow down and get back to my knitting circle , my paralyzing fatigue today is. i am drop-over-dead tired. and i'm running a 10k tomorrow morning and then going to a bachelorette party (for which i have to bake the dirty cake! don't ask). so tonight's my night to rest and relax.

so i'll be brief, if you don't mind. (good start, huh?). there have been a few allopathic medicine versus homeopathic medicine issues in the news lately. and i find them interesting and thought-provoking.

first- the boy with Hodgkin lymphoma and his mom trying to escape to mexico instead of finishing his chemo treatments. did you follow any of this? basically, this 13 y/o was diagnosed with hodgkin lymphoma and started on treatment, which include chemo (and, typically, low dose radiation). and his prognosis was good (in fact, according to the NCI, 90-95% of children w/ hodgkin lymphoma who receive this treatment modality are cured of the otherwise lethal disease) and the boy received initial doses of chemo. then he and his parents decided to stop doing chemo and instead use the Nemenhah native american naturopathic healing method, siting the miserable side effects of chemo as the reason. so they did that for a while and then a court got involved and while reviewing new xrays, physical exam, and labs, found that the cancer was spreading, so they mandated he get back on his treatment course, and mom and son ran away. they're back now...but it raises topics of parental rights and alternative treatments and all that good stuff. any thoughts on this?

-second- we know that there are new outbreaks of old diseases since people aren't vaccinating like they used to. here's some updates on the current situation with pertussis (whooping cough)- the gist is that it's a bacterial infection that can be harmful/deadly (10 in about 10,000 cases in 2007 died from it) and that the known cases are occurring in one in twenty unvaccinated kids and one in five-hundred vaccinated kids. so there's issues of not only leaving the unvaccinated kids vulnerable, but also then leaving susceptible children (immunocomprimised, too young to receive pertussis vaccine, etc) at risk.

-there are more....but i'll say more later when i'm more awake. but do please post any thoughts you have on this stuff.

Who Mopes Around on a 3 Day Weekend? I do! I do!

i know it's been a while since i've blogged. (thank you, lindsay, for reading and for the friendly reminder!). i haven't had too many exciting things happen to me at work recently (thank you, GOD) and...well, the world seems like a very depressing place right now, so i'm struggling to come up with fun, happy material. there are a lot of things that make me sad right now.

i'll elaborate on the reasons for my angst....not necessarily in order of importance:

-the crappy economy. sweet baby (8 lb 6 oz) Jesus. all everyone is talking about is how desperate things are. if you believe the media, we'll all be homeless sleeping in cardboard boxes by the end of the summer and driving our pogo sticks to work every morning because they aren't manufactured by unions. but wait! we won't have jobs to go to because everyone is going out of business. starbucks will be forced to take the crack out of their coffee because the overhead is too high, strippers will have to use second hand pasties and find a way to accept small coins instead of dollar bills (maybe a fanny pack?), and hospitals will be forced to sell their MRI machines to the few remaining rich people who have been dying to see what the inside of their rich butts look like. and we'll only have our cardboard boxes if we can continue mining paper from the middle east. and we'll only have a place to put them if the stimulus package doesn't use all the good squatting street corners and overpasses for subsidized lemonade stands for kids.

-swine flu.

-news this week is full of stories about parents killing their children. sad, desperate, awful stories. kids found buried in fields and sandboxes...just ick. . and then there's the mom who took off w/ her kid with cancer mid treatment (more on this later). yikes.

-Tasmanian devils are now endangered because they're dying out from a contagious facial cancer. (i am not making this up).

-i just went to cnn.com (my favorite source for news that makes me want to jump off a bridge) and one of the headlines is "man sucker-punches blind woman on bus." seriously. is the world ending? is this the sign of the apocolypse?

-bea arthur is dead.

-people are being tortured in the name of peace.

-and lastly, they're remaking "footloose" and "drop dead fred." NEED I SAY MORE??!!!?? no, but i will. DDF won the Academy Award for the Best Movie Ever Made. there is NOTHING that can be improved upon from the original phoebe cates/rik mayall/carrie fisher version by adding russell brand (as fred). and &a^#@ ZAC EFRON DOES NOT MAKE KEVIN BACON!!! even with your little upturned bacon-y nose- you are nothing but an impostor! oh, my word. i'm going to go rock and cry under a table now.

good talk.


*giving credit where it's due- i slipped in a few "talledega nights" quotes into the text. will ferrell does not make me sad.

Call on Me, Brother, When You Need a Hand...

been taking a lot of call this week. a few night ago i was snoring and drooling on the couch at home at about 10:30pm when the BHE woke me up with "i think your beepie thing is going off." it had, in fact, gone off twice...so i made haste to get to the hospital. was there for a few hrs and got back home and to bed about 2am...only to wake up to my regular alarm to go to regular work at 5:30. then i was supposed to be on call all this weekend, but people in my department more driven then myself picked up about 2/3 of it. even so, it's 9pm on a friday and i'm just getting home from the hospital.

but i don't mind. this might change as the novelty of being on call wears off, but i so much love being in the hospital, that i sort of enjoy even these odd hours. being there in the middle of the night means getting out of my warm bed/off warm couch and having to drive and park and get dressed in scrubs and be functional at the OR table....but it also means i get to be part of the heartbeat of the hospital, which is infectious. (not literally, usually). in my past career in the hospital i had the same feeling. just walking through the door, smelling that comfortable blend of disinfectant, human stink, and cafeteria peas and carrots is simply....irresistable. :)

this might make me officially sick in the head, huh? forget it, i'm going to bed.

Pop Music In One Ear, City Pounding Under My Feet

well, i ran my first 5k run this weekend. and it didn't kill me. at all. i actually had a lot of fun. i've been training for about a month and the last 2 wks i've realized that it's all mind over matter and that i can, in fact, run 3 mls straight without stopping. so for the race day, i just relaxed and enjoyed it. got to run on highways and over bridges and on city streets...places you never get to see except through a car window, so it was cool. plus i was running along side my wonderful little sister. she and i shared an ipod, actually, w/ an ear bud apiece. so that was fun (and a little hazardous). we ran pretty slowly, but we finished. and we avoided the rain. not so much for my coworkers and the BHE- they ran through a downpour. but also survived.

things have been good and busy at work. struggling to overcome insecurities as always. i did find my surgical assistant skills helpful outside of the OR recently. the BHE was fixing the engine on his car (i know, right?) and when i went out to check on him at about 9pm, i found he was working with a flashlight in his mouth and struggling to uncoil tape with his bare hands. i know less-than-nothing about cars (don't tell my mechanics- i think i have them fooled!)but i DO know that you need proper lighting and instruments to perform surgery. so i brought him a giant floor lamp with extendable arms to light the garage and i found surgical scissors and a hemostat i'd ganked from when i was a student, to help him get the job done. i felt useful. i charge by the hour.

i also find that i'm a lot cleaner and more precise when cooking than i used to be before i worked in surgery. but i had to laugh at myself the other day as i was carefully peeling and cutting a pepper when i had a thought that i wanted to raise the counter top to my height so it was more comfortable on my back and eyes like you can when you're operating on a surgical bed. i wish i had a foot pedal for that in my kitchen. will work on that.

It's Been....a Week

and it's almost over, gracias a Dios. i do not think i could have survived another few days of this. and i might have sat on the toilet in the locker room in the middle of the day yesterday, weeping silently while texting the BHE that i'm going to pay off my loans and then quit and become a rodeo clown or bank robber. and i might have accidentally on purpose almost dropped my pager into the toilet so that it would stop going off and people would stop asking me questions and expecting me to KNOW stuff and give them CORRECT and reasonable answers.

and i was such a stressy anxious spaz yesterday after work that i went right home and ran over 3 miles. (i bet you thought i was going to say a puppy, right? ran over a puppy? you're sick). which is a personal best and i would be really proud that that was my healthy means to blow off steam, except that i took a few drags of whiskey straight from the bottle and ate half a bag of chocolate chips before i went. in retrospect, drinking and running is kind of maniacal and may be a sign of some deep neuroses.

perhaps there are some things that i should not confess and should instead keep to myself.

nah.

now if you'll excuse me, i'm off to make a cognac whey protein smoothie.

(i'm joking, but seriously- why do i have so much old man booze in my house? what are the kids drinking these days? are they still on pomegranate martinis? hypnotiq? zima?).

Geek Drama

so, being on the floor this week again means that i'm in a near constant state of panic, because i'm still so afraid to make decisions regarding the health and well-being of real live people. i mean, seriously, heart palpitations, head ache, and i think i'm developing a tick. (which i'm sure is really reassuring to the poor patients).

and, i guess, somehow in our little sterile OR world, i can separate myself from the reality of the pain and fear of the hospital. when i'm holding a tumor, i don't have to think about the terror the patient and family felt as they were told it was cancer or the upcoming chemo treatments they'll face that will take them to the brink of death to save them from going over. or even the complications and challenges in recovery- nausea, pain, confusion, weakness....every little thing is scary and hard. even just having to wear the flimsy hospital gown and losing all modicum of privacy and dignity.

on the floor, all this is apparent. patients are crying and throwing up and yelling. families are either repeating the one hopeful phrase someone tossed their way or they just look...lost.

i can understand why medical shows are so popular. there's no better stage than a hospital to demonstrate human tragedy. and comedy.

i walked past the surgical waiting area on my way out this afternoon. this is where families wait while their loved ones are in the OR. it's just a big area with chairs, a TV, and a reception desk in a hallway with a little room to the side where surgeons take the family when the surgery is over, to tell them how things went and what they can expect. the faces of those waiting vary in this room. there's everyone from the husband of the woman getting breast augmentation who's beaming in the corner in his own private triumph to the little old lady whose husband is in the middle of a coronary bypass graft sitting wondering if she could survive as a widow. occasionally you'll see families holding hands and praying. some do suduku or sleep. some pace clinging to a venti starbucks drink.

today as i passed, i saw a huge group of the waiters huddled around the one TV. i was certain another national bank had bit the dust or some other big news, but when i got closer, i saw that they were all watching a high speed car chase and that the police were just apprehending the crazy driver out from the driver's side of a truck.

i couldn't help but be amused. here i was, observing the drama unfolding in the waiting room while they were finding apparent distraction and possible comfort in watching the mess on the screen- the tiny self-destructive driver on the small screen being manhandled by the angry miniature police in their own tragi-drama. and i assume that the driver then, in turn, spotted a bully picking on a little nerd in a school yard from the back of the paddy wagon on his way to the big house...full circle. like a sad bastard Russian nesting doll.

Rain on My Home Improvements

definitely spring weather we're having, huh? pouring rain for days at a time and now the GREENEST grass ever! i love it. and it's been in the 80's....like when i went running with coworkers on friday. heat stroke + being kidnapped and forced to run= good times. but, begrudgingly, i do have to admit that running is getting easier every time i do it. maybe i will survive the 5k after all. (don't they have a 2k or maybe a 1/3k?).

anyway...the BHE and i are trying to figure out how to make our tiny house into a tiny house w/ some useful space. and it's already a bit frustrating and overwhelming before we even start it. the itty bitty kitchen has been the bane of my existence since we moved in (so little counter space that i once caught my sister rolling dough up the side of the microwave). but of course, with every project comes a lot of unknowns and unexpected costs, so we're weighing all our options.

and i feel a bit like i just woke from a long slumber. the cold, dark winter coupled with my obsessive reading of serial vampire books and watching countless hours of movies has made me a bit negligent on things like my house and finances and health and cleaning. so ENOUGH! i'm going to be a lean, mean, organized and productive machine. and i might even put away the chocolate chip bag that i've been dipping directly into while i type this. also, my new leaf includes NOT putting chocolaty finger prints on my keyboard. anymore.

New Policy: Only Run if I'm Being Chased

...and then only if i'm over 90% sure that the thing chasing me is for sure going to eat me. and only then if it will only be a short run.

have i mentioned before that my stupid stinkin' coworkers are all health nuts? they all run long distance and eat healthy and even though they've had a few kids each, you'd never know it looking at them. so...in the spirit of shared health consciousness and against all better judgment, i signed up to run a 5k in a few wks. it's only 3 lousy miles, but for me, it's pretty much a death sentence. and apparently signing up for it and getting the cute little race t-shirt isn't enough, you have to actually train for it. so one of my coworkers (who's running the 10k-6 whole miles of insanity!) asked me if i wanted to run for a few miles this morning. much to my dismay, when i showed up at 10am at the assigned trail head, i found out that she actually meant we'd go for a run and that wasn't code for "going to the local grill for pancakes." so i ran. and whined. i probably spent more calories on the latter. i ran a total of about 2 mls and walked another 2 1/2 or so. and now i want to not move ever again. which will make it hard for me to kill my coworker. i'll find a way.

And...it's Friday and the Sun is Shining. Tra-la!

have had a pretty quiet work week. was on late this week and we've stayed steady-ish. i love being at the hospital late at night- there's something so quiet and sleepy about it. and i've gotten a chance to work w/ some docs and other staff i rarely see, so that's always fun. and i ended up doing a good bit of plastics this week, which i love. a few breast cases that turned out quite lovely. nothing too crazy- ended up not so much like this, maybe more like this. with maybe a little less...less.

now the weather is turning around and the BHE and i are home for a relaxing weekend. thinking about making some long-time-coming changes to our house, so we're gearing up for that. i might get out voted on my idea of hanging our bed from the ceiling and my stairs-to-nowhere as art in the backyard like in "beetlejuice" but i'm gonna try.

might go to a movie or something, too. i've been slacking on movies lately as i have been reading a terrible/totally awesome vampire romance trash novel series w/ the heroine "sookie stackhouse." anyone know of them? evidently they're a big thing on the trashy book market, but are new to me. i've become a total addict. in place of cleaning my house or exercising i've been glued to this series. between this and the "twilight" movie, i might have to find a creature of the night-crush support group.

A Manifesto on Baby Mammals

had a great Easter sunday with some coworkers and their families. ate way too much delicious food and gorged myself on chocolate. there's even a small chance that i was caught by the BHE eating a chocolate cupcake in the shower this morning. i can neither confirm nor deny this claim.

i'm addicted to one of my coworker's 9 month old baby boy. he's got the cutest, fattest little...everything. face, feet, thighs, eyelashes. all of it. he's like a blond, blue-eyed little cherub. a tiny bit "children of the damned," but in a totally cute way. he's the absolute picture of rosy glowing baby health.

i really love spending time with kids. they're so loving and warm and funny. but i must say, the young of our species are exceptionally dumb. i am by no means referring to my coworkers' children specifically-i gather they're all at or above average intelligence for their age. but...in general, babies and young kids have very little problem-solving skills and zero survival instincts. i mean, for pete's sake, it is many, many years into their existence before they can even use doorknobs! and it would be utterly impossible for them to survive in the wild. in fact, they seem to be deliberately trying to off themselves. they toddle out into traffic, they fall into open manholes and wells, they stick fingers in electrical sockets, they drink poisonous substances, they play with knives...i suppose all the while assuming SOMEONE will come to their rescue. (after all, someone already opens doors for them). i'm just saying. if a lion cub or an eaglet was born as slow and awkward as a baby human, they would surely be eaten and/or fall from a tree. baby humans are more like baby cows and horses- clumsy and sort of wandering the world, lost and stupefied. i suppose that's why we eat veal and not lion cub, huh?

anyway. i'm just sayin'.

Back in a Good Groove (Not the Pit of Despair)

so trip was awesome. perfect weather, great company. awesome food (best restaurant was an old church/monastery where we had lobster and "sexy coffee" which is a flaming boozy coffee drink w/ ice cream). lots of reading mindless books on the beach while sipping banana daiquiris and other such delicacies. also visited mayan ruins, shopped, snorkeled and watched college basketball at a local "irish pub" that served pastrami sandwiches and guacamole, dos equis and guinness.

and we scuba dived...dove...dev(?). diving was sort of the whole point of the trip- we stayed at a dive/snorkel resort. we were slated to do 2 boat dives a day for 3 days. i was dragging my feet going into it because the two days of training last summer (in a cold, murky inland lake and a peed-in high school swimming pool) were not as fun as they sound. i had a mask malfunction on me during the training and so between nerves about losing my equipment/drowning and worry that my motion sickness issues would make me miserable, i was very afraid. but after we got on the boat the first day and it was a beautiful morning and i wasn't feeling nauseous (thank you, dramamine, my BFF), i started to relax. and even on the first dive, i felt surprisingly natural, comfortable, and in control. we dove through some coral tunnels and saw many amazing animals of all shapes and sizes. good times were being had. until i gave myself brain damage and third degree burns.

see, the thing was....since i was so paranoid about my mask falling off, i harnessed it down around my head...emphatically. it squeezed a lot and when i was down at about 80ft the pressure was rather uncomfortable (think cartoon wolf w/ eyes popping out on a slinky when he sees his wolfy heart throb). but again, i was afraid to mess with it, plus, i didn't know what it was SUPPOSED to feel like, so i just endured. evidently that is NOT what it is supposed to feel like. i ended up with 2 pretty nasty, puffy, red/black eyes that lingered like that for a few days. i also kneeled in some fire coral which left some burn patches on one calf...which apparently can fester and boil and linger for weeks or more. but i got lucky and there was a knowledgeable crew on board who could understand my poor spanish (i think i said the equivalent of "there's a red menace ate my foot leg shoe and hurt it me ouch bad"). enough to fix it by pouring vinegar on it. the pain and redness went away immediately. gracias a dios.

so, that was the end of my diving adventures. i will dive again, but for the rest of this trip, i let the BHE and my dad do all the diving while my mum and i sat on the beach and snorkeled and generally avoided further trauma.

so despite all my whining, trust me when i say it was a perfect trip. and soooo relaxing. sigh.

i'm still relaxed from my toes up through my hair. coming back to work this week was great. you'd think i'd be all growly about having to come off vacation, but i'm actually feeling so excited about my job, thrilled by the friends i'm making there...it's so comfortable for me (most days) that it feels like home. ask me again next week. this weekend i'm working/on call both saturday and sunday and then on monday i'm doing 2 cases w/ a tricky doc followed by a difficult vascular case. and then i'm on afternoons all next week. welcome back!

Sleepy and Suntanned. More soon.

Did not get eaten, stolen, drowned-ed, or shivved

more on this later.

Adios, Suckers!

leaving for mexico tonight through texas. all tanned up and pedicured with new sandals and sundress, a 300 pack of Dramamine (my elixir of choice- i wonder if they have support groups for people like me) and ready to go. ate the last fresh food in my fridge and attempted to put my house in some semblance of order so that we will come back to what looks like a house that grown-ups live in. wonderful friend taking us to/fro airport with only promises of eternal devotion and tequila.

glad for the get away and the adventure, but also glad for a break from U.S news. hopefully i'll find that in a land of drug smuggling and kidnapping, our dire, dooms day economic prospects and our infernal insistence on "going green" (i've seen it on everything from cooking magazines- "re-use your oil" to women's magazines -what the HELL is "green sex"??? i don't even want to consider what can be recycled and reused) won't seem so exhausting and annoying. PLUS, i'll get to practicar mi español a bit.

and i had a great last day of work yesterday. did a total abdominal hysterectomy w/ an Ob/Gyn i did a rotation with last year and it was awesome! interesting case and i was very involved- she did 1/2 and i did the other. i was high all day from that. :)

i won't have 'puter access in mexico, but we'll be taking lots of pics and i'll post on it when i get back. assuming i don't get kidnapped, eaten, or drowned. if one of these fates befalls me, please eat some chocolate and take a shot (pudding shot?) for your fallen homie.

hasta luego!

I Said "Knish."

back from new york and had a crazy work week. our last day in nyc was nice. on our way to get breakfast, we stopped by a street vendor coffee and donut shop and shared a glazed huge donut. then we had authentic new york bagels for breakfast (awesome) and then caught up w/ some of the BHE's online musician friends so they could shop at the famous music stores...which happened to be near times square, so i went to roxy's with my cousin's hubby and we had their famous cheesecake (dear Barbara) and a knish- which for all you gentiles out there, is a flaky pastry filled with mashed potatoes or brocolli or other such things. i had never had a knish, and i must say, i am a fan of the knish. and i like saying "knish." then we had thai for lunch. then we went for ice cream for dessert.

so for anyone counting, that was cheesecake, ice cream, donut and real food all before our flight left at 6pm. needless to say, my skinny jeans are now creaking like an old house when i try to squeeze into them. sigh.

we flew in pretty late monday night and so the next day getting up for work was tough. then the whole week was kind of busy and on friday, i worked the floor on a long list of fairly complicated patients. i still get overwhelmed pretty easily when having to do medicine on the floor. there's just so much i'm not comfortable or familiar with. lots to learn. and the list is never comprehensive- there are always add-on patients to see or favors for nurses, etc, etc. so it makes for a long day. but i had some help from my coworkers, and i got through it. and then on saturday i worked for a few hrs admitting new surgical patients and getting acquainted w/ a surgeon who's new to me and can be kind of scary when you're on your own w/ him. so it was a long week.

and then we had some of my coworkers over last night for a wine & cheese party and had a great time. we had joked when putting together the plans for the party that we'd prefer donuts and jello shots to wine and cheese, so i actually made a donut bread putting recipe (but without the fruit cocktail and raisins- sounded too healthy) and pudding shots (amazing!) along with some dips and salads and stuff. it was great. did sleep pretty hard last night, though and am taking it easy today watching college basketball and catching up w/ stuff around the house.

we leave for mexico on wednesday. cannot wait!

Meat Me in New York

so...new york is known for its food, of course. any ethnicity you could possibly want, at any price, at any hour, practically in any neighborhood. but when you're craving a certain culture's fare, you go to the source.

and so, we went to get dim sum in china town this morning. and i've been to china town before, so i knew to expect the chickens and other slain beasts hanging in windows (one "chicken" had 8 legs- we couldn't quite figure that one out), so i was a little worried that the BHE's strict vegetarian diet would be hard to accomodate. (since i eat seafood, i knew i'd be square). but when we got to our chosen destination, the menu was filled with bok choy, green beans, eggplant, and tofu options and when we quietly mentioned to one server that he didn't eat meat, all the wait staff seemed to shout to each other around the restaurant that he wanted only vegetarian food. so we thought we were safe.

we were wrong.

"i don't eat meat" apparently means i don't eat any blatant beef/pork products but i'm totally cool with pork-laced eggplant, shrimp-encrusted tofu, and sausage-stuffed sticky rice. it became a joke. everything he tried had a little golden ticket of carne tucked in it somewhere. he somehow eventually got full, but it was an amusing ordeal for him. i loved it. i enjoyed all the known and mysterious seafood(?) options and thought the whole experience was pretty cool. we shopped around china town for a while afterwards and i got knock-off sunglasses for dirt cheap and my cousin got a wallet. there were fake hand bags all over the place and allegedly there are real bags out of the back of cars and in apartments in the area if you're willing to risk following one of the eager salesmen off the beaten path. i'm too cheap and easily spooked for all that. i'd rather just make do with a "squishy couture" or "harold vuitton" bag, thank you very much.

then we went to battery park and spent the day on the boat tour admiring lady liberty and ellis island.






by the time we were done with that, it was getting late and we were starving...so we took a cab to one of nyc's most famous pizza places, lombardi's. because at this point we all felt a bit bad for my poor veggie husband and because it's the house special, we shared their original (thin crust, tomato sauce, mozzarella in thin slices (not shredded), basil and romano). it was good. the crust was perfect but i thought the sauce/cheese were a big tasteless. i got laughed at for adding a bunch of red pepper and salt and black pepper, but it helped. if i went again i would try their specialty clam pizza, which i hear is delicious.

so then we went to an improv comedy show by the group the "upright citizens brigade," which has apparently been around forever and is pretty well known, but is only $10/ticket for the early show and free for the later show and is really informal and totally fun. it rotates people like amy poehler (SNL) and horatio sanz (SNL) and kate walsh (grey's anatomy/private practice- who knew she was funny?) and other local comediens. it was amazing. the stuff they came up with on the spot was funnier than most scripted television. their creativity, timing, mastery of language, formatting....all incredible. and it was fun to see a few famous people- john lutz (30 rock) and bobby moynihan (SNL) perform with the troupe.

then we went for dessert at a crazy hip place owned by the "it" chef david chang (momofuku). it was muy tasty and really fun. they have weird things like fruity cereal milk flavored soft serve ice cream and green tea bread, etc, etc.

we've been escorted and guided around by my wonderful cousin and her husband. it has made such a difference having locals to show us the non-touristy sights and tastes of the city. plus, they're a ball, so we've had a great time eating and laughing and eating some more with them.

Day 1 in NYC

glorious day. beautiful, sunny, if a bit cold. we woke up early and wandered from our hotel (awesome location, only a few blocks from grand central station) up 5th avenue and over to park avenue window shopping and people watching. we went through the waldorf astoria's opulent lobby and the nbc store and checked out rockefeller center.


when we went to fao shwartz, we happened to get there just as it opened at 10am. and it was awesome! the soldier guys came out to open the doors and welcome us in and then when we walked in, the whole staff was lined up clapping for us! it was joyful. made us feel like 5 year olds as we raced toward the yodo bobbleheads and lifesize lego statues.



then we went to central park where we took a carriage ride from a scottish guy named something like "decron" and his horse named "joey.' we cuddled under the heavy soft blanket and enjoyed the views...so many movies have been filmed there- we saw the "home alone" and "ghostbuster" sites (oh, i forgot to mention above and am too lazy to go back to edit- when we were walking along park ave we saw a bunch of press, police, and film trucks for the angelina jolie movie "salt"...so we're practically famous now). after our ride around, we walked into the park and made our way past the carousal, ice skating rink, dairy store, and enjoyed the views of crazy people running in short shorts in the frigid cold, crazy people selling ice cream sandwiches in the frigid cold, and crazy people making the whoopee on the big rocks in the frigid cold. then we had a lovely and leisurely lunch at 'tavern on the green,' a restaurant i've always walked past but never dined in.



we then made our way to times square and saw the usual mass hysteria there. then we wandered to the museum of modern art and spent a few nice hours there with my cousin.



then we went to catch up w/ her hubby and hung out at their apartment for a while and then ate delicious indian food for dinner followed by nummy cupcakes for dessert.

so it was a long and fantastic day. lots of walking- we estimate about 10 miles, since we got a wee bit misguided through central park at one point when trying to find MOMA (which is no where near central park for anyone keeping score). we'll sleep hard tonight. tomorrow is dim sum in china town and then off to more awesomeness all over the city. tra-la.

Long Weekend in NYC- Does It Get Any Better Than This? Answer: No.

Traveling is an interesting thing. Being this close to so many strangers makes one first notice them, then, if you’re me, make snap judgments (is that not the BLONDEST mullet you’ve ever seen? It’s a force of nature! Take a picture!), then, if you’re still me, chastise yourself for judging. Then you get annoyed because all their bodies together make a crowd and this crowd is in your way and slowing you down. And then you notice the pretty Asian girl 3 rows ahead of your seat who’s wearing a surgical mask like I do when in the OR, but not like me, because when I’m in the OR, I’m wearing the mask to try to prevent dropping innocent germies into open wounds…NOT from spreading SARS to 300 people! Oh God! Stop judging. Stop being a jerk. Maybe she has the king of pop disease and it’s not SARS at all. Hold your breath the whole flight just in case. And the beautiful little Indian baby girl in the stroller making big eyes at you in the security line. How do you know this tiny baby is a girl? Well, there’s the pierced ears and the bracelet. No such ornamentation for her big brother. And I notice how, when the BHE and I travel, we usually check a bag (WHAT A RIPOFF! 15 bucks!) and then each carry a backpack and can maneuver around the terminal with the greatest of ease. Not so much for families with children. Kids are worse than celebrities. They require trunks and fancy transportation and provisions and an entourage. And they’re usually grouching at their keepers. Just like celebrities.

Flight was 1 ½ hrs late to leave our city’s aeropuerto, so we’re getting to NYC late….meaning that instead of walking around a little and getting dinner @ a fun local place, it’s straight to the hotel for us to lie around and watch college basketball! It’s cool. We couldn’t have done that at home, so I’m glad we’re in the most awesome city on the planet where they have TV’s. Neat. I’m not actually bitter. We’ll order in something (pizza pie!) and relax and settle in and then hit the city tomorrow. It’s good to be away from the hospital for a few days. I was starting to feel claustrophobic. You know how it is when you have an impending vacation. You just want to GET THERE! And as I’ve mentioned already, this is the best month ever. This weekend in Manhattan. Two weeks from now in Mexico. I’ve been fake baking in preparation and I’m getting dark enough that people are asking questions. I’m trying to convince them it’s liver failure (jaundice) and not tan vanity. Kind of morbid, I guess. Don’t judge me.

I Feel Like Skinny Oprah

we weighed in today and i lost 14.5 lbs over the last 10 weeks! very excited. weight watchers diet and working out 3-4 days/week does the job. my team won. for 5 people, we lost something like 87 cumulative lbs. very proud indeed.

so, to congratulate myself and to officially let myself off the hook from being so darn good...i partook of the potluck at work most heartily. i took a whiskey cake with green frosting (i used this recipe, but did it w/ real butter and actual eggs and a wee bit of khalua w/ the coffee- woo hoo!) and everyone seemed to like it. in addition to several shots of my cake, i ate 2 pieces of costco cake (w/ their signature crack cocaine frosting) and mac n' cheese, artichoke dip, and a myriad of other fatty delicacies. and THEN. oh, and THEN, folks....for dinner the BHE took me to my new most favorite restaurants which is a, wait for it, all you can eat japanese/sushi buffet! so much goodness. rows after rows of lovely little things i'm pretty sure but can't confirm contain shrimp. yum. serious yum.

but now i feel absolutely disgustingly sick. i will get back on the wagon tomorrow and work out and stop eating frosting out of the tube.

Good Week and Soon Good Eats

strutting around like some sort of a rock star this week as my cases went well and it's all sunny outside and i've been running in it and soaking it up. i did a few more vascular cases early in the week and i love them! and they went well!

but then we got really slow toward the end of the week and were scraping for stuff to do (ie- i was super excited friday to get to do a hemmroidectomy. which is just as yummy as it sounds)...and when business is down job security is rocky, so that's been a little nerve racking. but so far so good.

plus the weight contest is OVER ON MONDAY!!!! aha! then i get to eat. so we'll see how i do over the weekend and what my final weight loss is. i've been up a bit the last few wks, so we'll see. plus, we went out for mexican (so good but SO bad) last night. we're having a huge fatty pile of food potluck for lunch at work on monday to celebrate being done. i'm making an irish whiskey cake. (2 tablespoons for you, cake, 3 for me, two for you....)

plus, i'm really excited as the BHE and i are going to nyc next weekend to visit family and see the city sites. and then in a few weeks we're going to mexico! super excited about that. beach and margaritas and scuba diving and margaritas and good food and good company and tequila with lime juice and salt....

so this dreary winter is winding up and things are good.

I Don't Understand Women, Even Though I Am a Women.

this was said by my littlest sister back when she was about 7 yrs old and we were watching some movie where the woman was storming around and yelling at her man and the man was pulling his hair out exclaiming that he didn't understand women. it was adorable then...claiming in her little squeaky voice that she was "a women."

but i find the sentiment to hold up now. i am feeling very sorry for and angry toward women kind right now. firstly, i did some plastic surgery last week on a woman who had had about 6 previous operations to fix her body. and it was just never going to be good enough for her. she had an image in her mind's eye of a body that wasn't hers. and no matter how much she tried to change it, there was just no way. but she'd keep risking infection, going through painful recovery, and spending the money to try, try, try to be someone else. argh.

THEN one of my coworkers gave me a few back issues of a certain women's magazine (i won't name- you know who you are) that i've always accused of secretly being written by men/for men through women. ie: here are some of the article titles- "what sex feels like for guys," "8 things in your closet that make you look chunky," "new guy? our classic seduction trick will keep him hooked," "how to deal when your man gets moody," etc, etc. and they've got man trap tricks in there (although they don't word them that way- they call the section something like "finding mr. right in new and creative ways" or some crap)...giving helpful examples such as when you're at the grocery store and you spot a cutie behind you in line, drop your earing discretely in your bag and then grab your ear and frantically say you lost your earring and that you need his help to find it. he's supposed to swoop in and save the day and start a conversation that will bloom into love in no time. in reality, you'd slow down the cashier as you foibled around and probably get dirty looks from both the object of your obsession and all the other customers in line for being an idiot and talking to strangers who are just there trying to shop.

THEN i'm reading a book called "wideacre" by philippa gregory (author of "the other boleyn girl") and it's all about how back in the day women had no right to land or inheritence just because they had ovaries instead of testicles. and this particular lead female character is so stunted and frustrated by this injustice that she kills both her parents, shtups her brother and bears his children, mames her lover, and frames her husband. not that her motives can entirely be blamed- but what a wicked, awful depiction of a woman! i think i'm done reading this one. no mas.

THEN, of course, there's the recent celebrity news story- that you will have heard about unless you're living comfortably under a news-free rock- about two beautiful young r & b stars so madly in love that when he very publicly kicks the shit out of her and leaves her for dead on the side of the road, she takes him back. there are lots of rumors circling that she has since married him and/or is having his child. at the very least, it is verified that she is open to contact from him and is not pressing charges. dear God. when are women going to evolve to be bigger than men? when is it our turn to take out all our rage on 'the weaker sex?' obviously humans still resolve conflict with violence, so how do we fix that women always get the raw end of this?(i'm of course generalizing and don't endorse violence from/to anyone...but i'm uber frustrated by the whole thing).

so i'm just disenchanted with what it means to be a woman right now. both past and present, our situations and our selves have caused us to be less than confident, less than respectable, less than admirable. i guess i can just try to define what being my woman means, and hope to help those women around me achieve their most bestest, too...and try to steer them away from paternicide. that doesn't seem the way to go.

but all you men out there- if some lady in front of you at the store "loses her earring" don't buy it! she's out to get you! hide your children!