as i just polished off an entire box of locally made chocolate covered cherries (my FAVORITE) from my grandpa, and noticed that another $50 was taken from my checking account for the gym i have long ago forgotten the name of because i haven't been there in many many months but apparently still belong to...it occurred to me that it might in fact not be that my jeans are shrinking, but rather that i am growing. have grown. did grow.
balls.
it happens every year, without fail. in fact one time, when i lived down south, i came home for the holidays for about a week and when i returned to work, i casually mentioned in the nurses' station that i'd gained a bunch of weight over the holidays. well, everyone got kind of quiet and then started giggling. apparently, they all had noticed and had talked amongst themselves.
well, this year i'm going to do the same as i did that year and (no, not kill my coworkers) get after it.
we're starting a "biggest loser" competition at work on monday (jan 5). we're broken up into 3 teams of 5 so we're accountable to the other members on our team. we're going by total % body weight loss and we'll go for 8 wks. my plan is to go back onto weight watchers strictly and to actually go to my neglected gym. my teammembers are pretty tough...so i'll definitely be on the hook to lose some good weight.
i've been in kind of a funk the last few days. post-Christmas blues, plus i was scheduled to work all week (except new years day). i actually fell asleep on the couch at 6pm last night and didn't wake up until my usual time this morning. i had myself convinced that i had a mono tumor or something...but then when they told me that i didn't have to work tomorrow (new year's eve), so i get two days off in a row to go visit my family and have a real new year's celebration- i miraculously woke up and felt great!
so a few more marathon eating days with my family....then back to the grind and onto my new fitness and diet plan.
(i'm all cheer now, but just wait a week. the first few days of weight watchers are the worst. i'd just as soon as eat your fingers as shake your hand).
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Monday, December 22, 2008
December 22
22. I can't believe it's already December 22.
well, i was going to try to find a sweet news article about people doing good for others in the name of Christmas spirit and holiday harmony. but i couldn't. :( so instead, here's a Christmas quote i like:
...which i take to help me remember that the food on thursday doesn't have to be perfect, the house doesn't have to be flawlessly cleaned, but the moments shared with families will be what we remember.
my favorite memories of Christmas are as follows:
1. my little sister totally buying that my uncle dressed up like santa was actually santa. and being thrilled that santa fixed her baby doll (replaced it with a new one) and put her under the tree.
2. after opening presents, fitting all 7 of my cousins on one small couch at grandma's because we couldn't stand being any farther apart from each other.
3. being on the lake at my grandparents, looking out at the frozen water (=ice, i suppose) and feeling warm and cozy inside. and eating the world's best pecan rolls. damn, those are good. also, i like how lavishly they dress their tree in tinsel. it is truly a sight to behold.
4. Christmas morning at my in-laws. padding upstairs in our pj's after my mother-in-law rings the sleigh bells (or something...that's what it sounds like anyway...maybe it's a kitchen timer..i'm always in a deep sleep so i don't know), signalling us that breakfast is ready and stockings should be gotten to. taking a picture in front of the tree every year...serving as a rememberance for my husband and i of all the years of our relationship.
5. Christmas at my parent's house (we usually celebrate this early so we can get to all the other many Christmases we have to celebrate with other family) with fancy hot chocolate and Christmas music and lots of laughing and teasing.
6. Our tradition of going to a movie Christmas night. see side bar for this one.
...i really do love this time of year. can get messy and forgotten in all the stress and pressure of the season. but it doesn't change that it's a time for honoring Jesus and a time for being with and loving up on family. that will be my mantra for the rest of the week. ("Jesus, family...good. Jesus, family....good.")
well, i was going to try to find a sweet news article about people doing good for others in the name of Christmas spirit and holiday harmony. but i couldn't. :( so instead, here's a Christmas quote i like:
"When we recall Christmas past, we usually find that the simplest things --
not the great occasions -- give off the greatest glow of happiness."
-Bob Hope
not the great occasions -- give off the greatest glow of happiness."
-Bob Hope
...which i take to help me remember that the food on thursday doesn't have to be perfect, the house doesn't have to be flawlessly cleaned, but the moments shared with families will be what we remember.
my favorite memories of Christmas are as follows:
1. my little sister totally buying that my uncle dressed up like santa was actually santa. and being thrilled that santa fixed her baby doll (replaced it with a new one) and put her under the tree.
2. after opening presents, fitting all 7 of my cousins on one small couch at grandma's because we couldn't stand being any farther apart from each other.
3. being on the lake at my grandparents, looking out at the frozen water (=ice, i suppose) and feeling warm and cozy inside. and eating the world's best pecan rolls. damn, those are good. also, i like how lavishly they dress their tree in tinsel. it is truly a sight to behold.
4. Christmas morning at my in-laws. padding upstairs in our pj's after my mother-in-law rings the sleigh bells (or something...that's what it sounds like anyway...maybe it's a kitchen timer..i'm always in a deep sleep so i don't know), signalling us that breakfast is ready and stockings should be gotten to. taking a picture in front of the tree every year...serving as a rememberance for my husband and i of all the years of our relationship.
5. Christmas at my parent's house (we usually celebrate this early so we can get to all the other many Christmases we have to celebrate with other family) with fancy hot chocolate and Christmas music and lots of laughing and teasing.
6. Our tradition of going to a movie Christmas night. see side bar for this one.
...i really do love this time of year. can get messy and forgotten in all the stress and pressure of the season. but it doesn't change that it's a time for honoring Jesus and a time for being with and loving up on family. that will be my mantra for the rest of the week. ("Jesus, family...good. Jesus, family....good.")
Saturday, December 20, 2008
December 19 and December 20
19, 20. Final Prep before Christmas...
..had a great work week. got back into the OR after nearly 2 wks on the floor, and it felt great. i'd missed it.
then last night i got together w/ a couple of my PA classmates, which is always a pleasure. i'm hoping that we maintain this bond over time...so far so good.
this weekend the BHE and i are tasked with cleaning our house, grocery shopping, and wrapping presents in preparation for Christmas here. we're having his family join us for Christmas since i'm scheduled to work both the 24th and 26th. this will be our first Christmas hosting and our my first Christmas not with my family...who we will go visit on the 26th.
the BHE has dug us out of heavy snow twice in the last couple days. and, as he is off for the next few weeks, he is making a great 'house husband' with all the cleaning and such he's been doing. it's awesome. i could get used to this.
all our gift shopping is done (mostly) and we're well on our way to being ready for next week.
so, for my in-laws we're making a semi traditional Christmas meal with ham and taters and such, with some added unusual and flavorful side dishes for us vegetarians.
what we're NOT making, is this traditional old English dish, or this traditional Who dish.
hope everyone is having a lovely, snowy weekend...
..had a great work week. got back into the OR after nearly 2 wks on the floor, and it felt great. i'd missed it.
then last night i got together w/ a couple of my PA classmates, which is always a pleasure. i'm hoping that we maintain this bond over time...so far so good.
this weekend the BHE and i are tasked with cleaning our house, grocery shopping, and wrapping presents in preparation for Christmas here. we're having his family join us for Christmas since i'm scheduled to work both the 24th and 26th. this will be our first Christmas hosting and our my first Christmas not with my family...who we will go visit on the 26th.
the BHE has dug us out of heavy snow twice in the last couple days. and, as he is off for the next few weeks, he is making a great 'house husband' with all the cleaning and such he's been doing. it's awesome. i could get used to this.
all our gift shopping is done (mostly) and we're well on our way to being ready for next week.
so, for my in-laws we're making a semi traditional Christmas meal with ham and taters and such, with some added unusual and flavorful side dishes for us vegetarians.
what we're NOT making, is this traditional old English dish, or this traditional Who dish.
hope everyone is having a lovely, snowy weekend...
Thursday, December 18, 2008
December 18
18. My favorite creepy date rape Christmas Carole....really gets you in the spirit
a brief history on the sinister ditty....written in 1944 (according to wikipedia, so it must be true), it was first performed by its composer, frank loesser, singing the male "the wolf" part and his wife on the female, "the mouse" part. it has made it into half a dozen movies and been recorded ad nauseum by many a pop star including bing crosby and doris day, ella fitzgerland and louis jordan (the version i grew up on), louise armstrong, ray charles, ann margret, and most recently and unfortunately, jessica simpson and nick lache.
it's a fun, upbeat song. kinda flirty and charming. BUT IT'S ALSO ABOUT COERCION. and possibly drugging. seriously, kids. if you're on a date and at the end of the evening you're trying to go home and the dialogue starts to go like this, kick him in the nuts and run.
so please enjoy (my editorialized version) of....
Baby, It's Cold Outside
I really can't stay - Baby it's cold outside
I've got to go away - Baby it's cold outside
This evening has been - Been hoping that you'd drop in
So very nice - I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice
My mother will start to worry - Beautiful, what's your hurry
My father will be pacing the floor - Listen to the fireplace roar
So really I'd better scurry - Beautiful, please don't hurry
well Maybe just a half a drink more - Put some music on while I pour
(alcohol does wonders on inhibitions)
The neighbors might think - Baby, it's bad out there
Say, what's in this drink - No cabs to be had out there
(ROOFIES!)
I wish I knew how - Your eyes are like starlight now
To break this spell - I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell
(holding her stuff for ransom)
I ought to say no, no, no, sir - Mind if I move a little closer
(he's moving closer anyway)
At least I'm gonna say that I tried - What's the sense in hurting my pride
I really can't stay - Baby don't hold out
(...against your better judgment)
Ahh, but it's cold outside
C'mon baby
I simply must go - Baby, it's cold outside
The answer is no - Ooh baby, it's cold outside
This welcome has been - I'm lucky that you dropped in
(i'll totally respect you in the morning)
So nice and warm -- Look out the window at that storm
My sister will be suspicious - Man, your lips look so delicious
My brother will be there at the door - Waves upon a tropical shore
(what....WHAT?)
My maiden aunt's mind is vicious - Gosh your lips look delicious
(maidens are lame)
Well maybe just a half a drink more - Never such a blizzard before
I've got to go home - Oh, baby, you'll freeze out there
Say, lend me your comb - It's up to your knees out there
You've really been grand - Your eyes are like starlight now
(and your pupils are really dilated)
But don't you see - How can you do this thing to me
(if you really loved me, you'd do it...)
There's bound to be talk tomorrow - Making my life long sorrow
At least there will be plenty implied - If you caught pneumonia and died
(IS THAT A THREAT?)
I really can't stay - Get over that old out
(everybody's doing it)
Ahh, but it's cold outside
Baby it's cold outside
Brr its cold…
(it's damned near 50 degrees out there...)
It's cold out there
Cant you stay awhile longer baby
Well…..I really shouldn't...alright
(clearly the roofies have had time to kick in)
Make it worth your while baby
Ahh, do that again….
(oh, my, no...)
a brief history on the sinister ditty....written in 1944 (according to wikipedia, so it must be true), it was first performed by its composer, frank loesser, singing the male "the wolf" part and his wife on the female, "the mouse" part. it has made it into half a dozen movies and been recorded ad nauseum by many a pop star including bing crosby and doris day, ella fitzgerland and louis jordan (the version i grew up on), louise armstrong, ray charles, ann margret, and most recently and unfortunately, jessica simpson and nick lache.
it's a fun, upbeat song. kinda flirty and charming. BUT IT'S ALSO ABOUT COERCION. and possibly drugging. seriously, kids. if you're on a date and at the end of the evening you're trying to go home and the dialogue starts to go like this, kick him in the nuts and run.
so please enjoy (my editorialized version) of....
Baby, It's Cold Outside
I really can't stay - Baby it's cold outside
I've got to go away - Baby it's cold outside
This evening has been - Been hoping that you'd drop in
So very nice - I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice
My mother will start to worry - Beautiful, what's your hurry
My father will be pacing the floor - Listen to the fireplace roar
So really I'd better scurry - Beautiful, please don't hurry
well Maybe just a half a drink more - Put some music on while I pour
(alcohol does wonders on inhibitions)
The neighbors might think - Baby, it's bad out there
Say, what's in this drink - No cabs to be had out there
(ROOFIES!)
I wish I knew how - Your eyes are like starlight now
To break this spell - I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell
(holding her stuff for ransom)
I ought to say no, no, no, sir - Mind if I move a little closer
(he's moving closer anyway)
At least I'm gonna say that I tried - What's the sense in hurting my pride
I really can't stay - Baby don't hold out
(...against your better judgment)
Ahh, but it's cold outside
C'mon baby
I simply must go - Baby, it's cold outside
The answer is no - Ooh baby, it's cold outside
This welcome has been - I'm lucky that you dropped in
(i'll totally respect you in the morning)
So nice and warm -- Look out the window at that storm
My sister will be suspicious - Man, your lips look so delicious
My brother will be there at the door - Waves upon a tropical shore
(what....WHAT?)
My maiden aunt's mind is vicious - Gosh your lips look delicious
(maidens are lame)
Well maybe just a half a drink more - Never such a blizzard before
I've got to go home - Oh, baby, you'll freeze out there
Say, lend me your comb - It's up to your knees out there
You've really been grand - Your eyes are like starlight now
(and your pupils are really dilated)
But don't you see - How can you do this thing to me
(if you really loved me, you'd do it...)
There's bound to be talk tomorrow - Making my life long sorrow
At least there will be plenty implied - If you caught pneumonia and died
(IS THAT A THREAT?)
I really can't stay - Get over that old out
(everybody's doing it)
Ahh, but it's cold outside
Baby it's cold outside
Brr its cold…
(it's damned near 50 degrees out there...)
It's cold out there
Cant you stay awhile longer baby
Well…..I really shouldn't...alright
(clearly the roofies have had time to kick in)
Make it worth your while baby
Ahh, do that again….
(oh, my, no...)
December 17
17. Merry Christmas from all of us child and animal deviants....
...the PA office at work is littered with pics of my co-workers' kids and animals all decked out for the holidays. a favorite this year is baby wearing only santa hat on head and garland discretely covering the bits and pieces. seriously, should i be reporting this? :)
...the PA office at work is littered with pics of my co-workers' kids and animals all decked out for the holidays. a favorite this year is baby wearing only santa hat on head and garland discretely covering the bits and pieces. seriously, should i be reporting this? :)
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
December 16
16. It's snowing buckets of cats and dogs and cliches....
my word. there are something like 3 new inches of snow on the ground tonight and it just keeps going. and out of almost nowhere it's colder than a well digger's ass.
BUT! it's almost Christmas. which is good. we're having a wee get together tomorrow night for some of our friends, so i'm baking cookies tonight and my spouse (best husband ever, ie= "The BHE") is cleaning the house. and will prolly wake up at 4am to shovel us out of our driveway. maybe i can convince him to walk just ahead of me on my way to work to keep the roads clear for me. maybe not.
anyway....if any of you are getting dumped on like we are, here's a tutorial that you might find helpful.
my word. there are something like 3 new inches of snow on the ground tonight and it just keeps going. and out of almost nowhere it's colder than a well digger's ass.
BUT! it's almost Christmas. which is good. we're having a wee get together tomorrow night for some of our friends, so i'm baking cookies tonight and my spouse (best husband ever, ie= "The BHE") is cleaning the house. and will prolly wake up at 4am to shovel us out of our driveway. maybe i can convince him to walk just ahead of me on my way to work to keep the roads clear for me. maybe not.
anyway....if any of you are getting dumped on like we are, here's a tutorial that you might find helpful.
Monday, December 15, 2008
December 15
15. A Haiku on the Topic of Mistletoe...
Lean in for a kiss,
Go ahead, slip him some tongue,
Christmas time is great.
Lean in for a kiss,
Go ahead, slip him some tongue,
Christmas time is great.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
December 14
14. The Former Mrs. President and the Eternal Mr. T...
i think i've shown this one before, but it is priceless, wouldn't you say?
i think i've shown this one before, but it is priceless, wouldn't you say?
Saturday, December 13, 2008
December 13
13. And this is me this morning....
it was a nice party. it's put on by the surgeons for all of the OR. good food, plenty of boozin' and lots of door prizes. historically, spouses were not invited, and there were many scandals that people still whisper about. but this year things seemed pretty low key. no one had lit anything on fire or streaked across the room or anything when we left at 10pm. i'll find out on monday if i missed anything juicy after we left.
i'm feeling more and more a part of the group. this last couple weeks has just been fun at work. i love being on the floor and following patients over time. getting to know them and managing them medically...it's fun for me. and then usually getting to scrub for a short while in the afternoons. it's a nice variety. but my floor work is over and i'm heading back to the OR next week. i'll rotate back onto floors in another few months. on the next schedule i'll also start taking call and working afternoon shifts and all the other dubious honors that mean i'm official now. :)
plus, did i mention that i had a mini nervous breakdown this week? my house being a mess, not having decorated yet, etc, etc....it all caught up with me and i freaked out with fatigue and the stress of constantly being on the go and never having any time at home. so, regrettably, i'm missing out on a fun event with my parents and some time w/ my extended family. but happily, i'm checking items off my to-do list here at home. sigh. holiday time chaos got me again, i guess. :)
it was a nice party. it's put on by the surgeons for all of the OR. good food, plenty of boozin' and lots of door prizes. historically, spouses were not invited, and there were many scandals that people still whisper about. but this year things seemed pretty low key. no one had lit anything on fire or streaked across the room or anything when we left at 10pm. i'll find out on monday if i missed anything juicy after we left.
i'm feeling more and more a part of the group. this last couple weeks has just been fun at work. i love being on the floor and following patients over time. getting to know them and managing them medically...it's fun for me. and then usually getting to scrub for a short while in the afternoons. it's a nice variety. but my floor work is over and i'm heading back to the OR next week. i'll rotate back onto floors in another few months. on the next schedule i'll also start taking call and working afternoon shifts and all the other dubious honors that mean i'm official now. :)
plus, did i mention that i had a mini nervous breakdown this week? my house being a mess, not having decorated yet, etc, etc....it all caught up with me and i freaked out with fatigue and the stress of constantly being on the go and never having any time at home. so, regrettably, i'm missing out on a fun event with my parents and some time w/ my extended family. but happily, i'm checking items off my to-do list here at home. sigh. holiday time chaos got me again, i guess. :)
Friday, December 12, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
December 11
11. Siskel and Ebert looking HOT in those 80's glasses, jackets, and hair talking about " A Christmas Story"....i think the movie caught on after all. They show it 24 hrs straight on Christmas.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
December 10
10. Happy Happy Joy Joy
....enjoy the below recipe. i made it for my coworkers the other day (that's right, a little sucking up, what's it to you?) and everyone raved about it. i found it on allrecipes.com, which i use a lot. you can use the mint kisses for the center (it took some effort to find them) or now i see that they're making a new candy cane flavored kiss, which would be good, too. and the best thing is- apparently you can't ruin them! i tried. i no longer have a kitchen timer, so when i forgot these in the oven and left them in not for the 8-10 minutes the recipe recommends, but rather for an impressive 24 minutes...it didn't ruin them at all, they still were delicious!
in other good news...i got my new car last night. i bought a shiny used VW passat wagon with leather interior and heated seats and all kinds of swanky features. it's nice and roomy and we got a great deal. i giggled the whole way driving home. i told my husband i feel like i stole some rich lady's car. :) AND THEN my night just got better. i went to look for a dress to wear to the hospital holiday party friday night and i found a short black calvin klein party dress for $16. what luck! my only concern is that my body is covered in red marks from scratching the eczema that i always get when the climate is drier than a popcorn fart like it is right now...but i think a little TLC and black hose will do the job. tra-la!
Magical Mint Cookies
....enjoy the below recipe. i made it for my coworkers the other day (that's right, a little sucking up, what's it to you?) and everyone raved about it. i found it on allrecipes.com, which i use a lot. you can use the mint kisses for the center (it took some effort to find them) or now i see that they're making a new candy cane flavored kiss, which would be good, too. and the best thing is- apparently you can't ruin them! i tried. i no longer have a kitchen timer, so when i forgot these in the oven and left them in not for the 8-10 minutes the recipe recommends, but rather for an impressive 24 minutes...it didn't ruin them at all, they still were delicious!
in other good news...i got my new car last night. i bought a shiny used VW passat wagon with leather interior and heated seats and all kinds of swanky features. it's nice and roomy and we got a great deal. i giggled the whole way driving home. i told my husband i feel like i stole some rich lady's car. :) AND THEN my night just got better. i went to look for a dress to wear to the hospital holiday party friday night and i found a short black calvin klein party dress for $16. what luck! my only concern is that my body is covered in red marks from scratching the eczema that i always get when the climate is drier than a popcorn fart like it is right now...but i think a little TLC and black hose will do the job. tra-la!
Magical Mint Cookies
- 1 cup butter or margarine
- 2/3 cup sugar
- 1 teaspoon vanilla
- 2 cups all-purpose flour
- 1/4 cup HERSHEY®'S Cocoa or HERSHEY®'S Dutch Processed Cocoa
- 48 HERSHEY®'S KISSES® Mint Chocolates, unwrapped
- powdered sugar
DIRECTIONS
- Heat oven to 350 degrees F. Beat butter, sugar and vanilla in large bowl until creamy. Stir together flour and cocoa; gradually add to butter mixture, beating until blended. Mold scant tablespoon dough around each chocolate piece, covering completely. Shape into balls. Place on ungreased cookie sheet.
- Bake 8 to 10 minutes or until set. cool about 1 minute; remove from cookie sheet to wire rack. Cool completely. Roll in Powdered sugar. Roll in sugar again just before serving, if desired.
Monday, December 8, 2008
December 9
9. For all you little boys out there....
when we were shopping in alexandria this weekend we went to a very upscale bead and jewelery shop. they had everything required to make any type of dangly pretty thing from pearls to crystals to precious stones. and they had some fun ones for kids, too. animal and fruit and veggie bobbles, etc. needless to say, my very mature and responsible husband was found playing with the merchandise in a most creative and obscene manner. (see below). right now he's hollering in the background "make sure you tell them that i left them like that for the next customers to see!" so, my apologies, rich women of virginia. i can't take him anywhere.
when we were shopping in alexandria this weekend we went to a very upscale bead and jewelery shop. they had everything required to make any type of dangly pretty thing from pearls to crystals to precious stones. and they had some fun ones for kids, too. animal and fruit and veggie bobbles, etc. needless to say, my very mature and responsible husband was found playing with the merchandise in a most creative and obscene manner. (see below). right now he's hollering in the background "make sure you tell them that i left them like that for the next customers to see!" so, my apologies, rich women of virginia. i can't take him anywhere.
December 8
8. A Christmas Haiku on the topic of elves...
Elves
Elves are so playful
Twinkling, dancing merrily
Might pee in your shoe.
Elves
Elves are so playful
Twinkling, dancing merrily
Might pee in your shoe.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
December 7
7. The National Christmas Tree, Washington DC...
....which is right next to the White House. not a great picture, but if you look really closely, you might be able to see some snipers! (we didn't see any, but we were taking bets on whether or not they were going to pick off any of the annoying kids tap dancing to "santa baby" on the stage set up by the tree).
....which is right next to the White House. not a great picture, but if you look really closely, you might be able to see some snipers! (we didn't see any, but we were taking bets on whether or not they were going to pick off any of the annoying kids tap dancing to "santa baby" on the stage set up by the tree).
Saturday, December 6, 2008
December 5
5. With a corn cob pipe and a button nose....
..sorry i was late on this one. last night we left for a little get away weekend to washington DC to visit some friends and family. today we'll be checking out the Christmas decorations and national tree down on the mall as well as shopping and eating amazing food at my cousin's fancy restaurant. cannot wait!
..sorry i was late on this one. last night we left for a little get away weekend to washington DC to visit some friends and family. today we'll be checking out the Christmas decorations and national tree down on the mall as well as shopping and eating amazing food at my cousin's fancy restaurant. cannot wait!
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
December 3
A Politically Correct Christmas Story
'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves".
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.
And labour conditions at the North Pole
were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!
The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their rooftops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."
And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorised use of his nose
And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.
So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,
Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.
And as for the gifts, why, he'd never had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.
Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim, Nothing to shoot.
Nothing that clamoured or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls, or just for the boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacifistic.
No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.
No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
So Santa just stood there, dishevelled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.
He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you've got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.
Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;
Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere...even you.
So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...
May you and your loved ones, enjoy peace on Earth.
-Author unknown
'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves".
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.
And labour conditions at the North Pole
were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!
The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their rooftops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."
And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorised use of his nose
And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.
So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,
Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.
And as for the gifts, why, he'd never had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.
Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim, Nothing to shoot.
Nothing that clamoured or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls, or just for the boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacifistic.
No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.
No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
So Santa just stood there, dishevelled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.
He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you've got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.
Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;
Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere...even you.
So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...
May you and your loved ones, enjoy peace on Earth.
-Author unknown
Monday, December 1, 2008
December 2
2. Happy Birthday today to Britney Spears-Federline-Spears!! Back in the days of wine and roses and afros and real boobs before they were "Brit Brit" and "JT".... And, because I think it's a cool video and because I think her story is truly a miracle of pop culture, her new hit, "Womanizer" for you to enjoy. Please note that this video is not for all eyes to consume. It has some...adult content (neked people!).
by the way, for anyone curious...i went to employee health today and so far so good. all tests have come back negative. i'll have to get another HIV test in 6 months. but otherwise, i'm feeling pretty fine.
and i did more vascular today. and it went pretty well. i enjoy it and am getting better at it. tomorrow i start on the floor, rounding on post-op patients. writing prescriptions in my name for the first time, etc. yikes.
and my car is dead, dead, dead. apparently something actually blew a hole in the engine. so we're shopping around for something a little bigger, nicer, newer. and since i've already started paying off loans and Christmas is coming up, our budget is about 36 dollars. so we'll see how that goes....
:)
by the way, for anyone curious...i went to employee health today and so far so good. all tests have come back negative. i'll have to get another HIV test in 6 months. but otherwise, i'm feeling pretty fine.
and i did more vascular today. and it went pretty well. i enjoy it and am getting better at it. tomorrow i start on the floor, rounding on post-op patients. writing prescriptions in my name for the first time, etc. yikes.
and my car is dead, dead, dead. apparently something actually blew a hole in the engine. so we're shopping around for something a little bigger, nicer, newer. and since i've already started paying off loans and Christmas is coming up, our budget is about 36 dollars. so we'll see how that goes....
:)
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