i got the memo. you thought i was going to die. it's not really helping me now to hear it over and over again. this is just after coming from the cancer center at the "MBH" following up with my hematologist/oncologist. first of all, scary as hell to have to go there. i never want to have to go to a cancer center for anything they'd want to see me for. (before you get your knickers in a wad- everything is totally groovy. my labs are behaving just like they should in the event of a funky virus. no scary cancers or blood disorders and even after i pushed, pushed, pushed- frankly became the annoying pushy patient who seems to be begging for painful, invasive procedures- the MD reassured me that further testing will be limited and she has ZERO suspicions based on all the findings she's seen that there's a cancer lurking somewhere in my depths ). so that's a relief.
but this is also after two other docs i saw this week and last both looked at me from across the little exam room and shook their heads like, "i can't believe you look so much like a human now after you resembled a soggy puppet for so long" and said things like "do you know how sick you were?" and, when the aide couldn't get blood from my ruined veins at one of the appointments (don't they just have too many perforations in them after a certain number of needle sticks? wouldn't it be like a sprinkler head and just start sort of sprinkling out everywhere? must make note to ask poor, abused heme/onc on next visit), the MD referred to me as "the poor woman who's been through so much."
just stop.
i'm back at work and for the most part, feeling really strong. let's all just let my bruises heal and let me get back on my feet and be as strong as i know i am again. let's not see me as a tragic, broken doll, but as a horse. or ox. or bull. or some other labor animal.
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