Thanks, Eve...Way to Take One for the Team.

i've now seen a few vaginal births and i must say that while God blessed me w/ a womanly body and the potential to bring forth into this world and nurture a tiny little version of my husband and me, i will decline, thank you very much and plan to adopt/steal/purchase one instead.

labor is a messy, painful (even w/ epidural-again, thanks for that, eve) experience and dear jimminy, that giant collapsable cantaloupe has to wedge through that tiny little unrelenting hole... good lawd. just seems like there has to be a better way. both births required episiotomies (cutting down a few centimeters from the entroitus- vag opening- midline posterior toward the bum hole) to jimmy the little sucker out. that is what i, in my maturity, refer to as "a butt baby." (for the record, the midwives all seem to give the moms a little more time and have better luck w/o tearing or need for cutting by careful positioning, pushing, and lubrication/massage).

i'm having to learn "baby talk" which doesn't mean goo's and ga's but rather the tricky lingo of the labor and delivery world. i am not even kidding that this is how everyone talks. for example, a report i give to a resident or attending, or a note i write might read,

" Pt is a 31 y/o G3P1011 (1 SVD at 38wks, 1 SAB at 34wks) at 35 1/7 wks with an EDC of 11/14/07 presenting with + FM, + CTX, -LOF, -VB. Plan to r/o PTL, she is + GBS, GDMA1. "

did you catch all that? it means she is 31 years old, this is her 3rd pregnancy, she has one living child who was carried to term and delivered vaginally at 38 weeks, another who miscarried at 34 weeks. She is 35 weeks and 1 day along and is due on 11/14/07. She is experiencing fetal movement and contractions but not loss of fluid or vaginal bleeding. We plan to rule out a preterm labor and she is positive for group A beta hemolytic streptococcus and has gestational diabetes mellitus managed with diet alone.

yep. nuts.

this rotation is pretty cool so far, despite the language barriers i am experiencing and the (cool) gore of the births. the actual deliveries were emotional, even not knowing the families. it's exciting and "beautiful" and "miraculous." but really, when it comes time for my husband and i to grow our little family, i am not above stealing one from a shopping cart at the grocery store to avoid the pain of birthing.