i'm feeling pretty sad. i'm not as tough as i thought i was. in my previous work i saw a lot of death and dying and don't get riled by much, but today i found myself pretty shaken up.
we had a patient who came in to have a dilation and curettage for a missed abortion very early on in the first trimester of her pregnancy. she and her family were all visibly upset...they had wanted to be pregnant and had been preparing themselves for a new baby. it had been a hard few days after they found the fetus had stopped growing. she was nervous going in for the procedure, but held back tears as we took her to the OR. everything went fine, as expected. she wasn't out for very long and everything was "taken care of." i took her to recovery and as she was waking up and trying to talk, i could hardly understand her. i leaned in to listen more closely and she said plainly, "could you tell if it was a boy or girl?"
i choked out an answer and kept telling her how brave she was and how it was over and she could go home to be with her family and held her hand....
that was overwhelming. but something about these experiences, these moments is so intoxicating. i love the chances to give compassion and hear people's stories. i can't believe how blessed i am to be exposed to so many intense life moments, so much humanity. seeing people go through pain and loss like this or through child birth and the explosive joy of a new baby. it's amazing.
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