Happy Thanksgiving!!

News Flash: Life is Big Suck

i heard a proclamation today from one of the nurses that "the world is ending. people can't go on. we're too evil." she was referring to a series of murders and other violent crimes we'd just heard summarized on the news in the break room. is she right?

i'm usually quite the optimist, but lately i've also been feeling pretty defeated. tell me how to get through this one. i've been sick to my stomach since hearing about the recent heinous gang rape and attempted murder of a 15 y/o girl in richmond, california at a homecoming dance where, apparently, some 10 people were involved in the attack and another 12 witnessed it and did NOTHING except maybe take some photos and videos on their cell phones. i mean- seriously? wtf? can that really be explained at all with saying it was "alcohol induced" as the cnn article described it? can we blame this on booze? or on group mentality where an individual's boundaries and rules change when fueled by the force and enthusiasm of the group? or did this some 20 guys all have terrible upbringings and are subsequently void of empathy? does this school recruit all the area sociopaths? what could possibly explain this??

there must be something in the news that will re-store my faith in humanity. some girl scout saved a dolphin from a burning building? anything?? let's see....we've got the snipers re-visted, the fort hood massacre, the teenagers in florida who deliberately set their friend on fire....hmmmm...what else? oh! here's a fun looking article entitled "how to defend yourself against pirates"....oh, but wait. it's for real. drag.

and kareem abdul-jabbar has leukemia. of course he does.

but at least 'hurricane ida' has been downgraded to a tropical depression.

that's appropriate.

i mean...for reals...is there any doubt why i prefer to read celebrity gossip than real news? like i'm only pretend worried about the state of fergie and josh's marriage. no real angst required. ya know?

sigh. well, i guess 'sesame street' turns 40 this week, so that's good. and on that note, this makes me laugh out loud.

i guess that's the only answer i've come up with so far. keep laughing. take joy in little things like little kids do. i saw a bundled-up dad scurrying into a gas station tonight holding his toddler son. the dad looked stressed and hurried. the son looked ecstatic. SHINY BUILDING! AND MAYBE CANDY IN MY FUTURE!

that's how i'm gonna try to get through the day.

maybe there will be candy.

Halloween and Yes, I Love Technology

(but not as much as you, you see)

so we enjoyed the bounty of halloween this year with a trip to a fund-raiser haunted house on friday night followed by a drive through of the most decorated street in the area. almost all the houses on the street participate and they go all out. as in entire fabricated houses in front of the real houses and pirate ships and stuff. (i kept wondering if they warn new home buyers who are shopping in, say, july, just what is expected of them come october). and we went to see the halloween festivities at the zoo yesterday and then stayed home to welcome tricker treaters last night. we had a pretty good number of them. fun costumes included a young billy mays, several adorable captain jack sparrows, a geisha, and an apologetic hanna montana who, reportedly, had already lost her wig. and we noticed that kids are either more polite now than we used to be, or more afraid of stranger danger, because they were really quiet when approaching our house. i'd hear a light tap on the door or shuffling feet but very few "TRICK OR TREAT"s at the top of young lungs. i thought annoying all your neighbors was part of the fun.

anyway. we also just bought new iphones. the BHE has been wanting one for a while, and we finally broke down and did it. they're pretty cool. i have to say that the Apple company is doing things right. they're so hip, they appeal to every demographic. while we were at the Apple store there was a demo class on iphones for senior citizens ("but where does the answering machine tape plug in??"). and then a group of middle school age boys came in and knowing exactly how to use all the gadgets they touched- instead of causing mayhem they played quietly and respectfully. it was like a commercial. or a cult.

October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month

the shirt i wore during the half marathon last week says "SAVE THE BOOBS: Big or Small Support Them All" on the front and "Help Save Second Base" on the back. i didn't do the local breast cancer 3 day walk this year, but i plan to recruit as many people as i can and do it next year. there is power in what these women are doing. power and change. if you want to look into breast cancer prevention, screening or the movement in general- i would start here.

I Just Kept Running.

so i learned a lot about seeing things from the patient's perspective when i was a patient in the hospital in august. i've been taking a ridiculous amount of time on the floors lately worrying over all the little things that might be causing my patients pain or annoyance. like, did you know that tape HURTS when yanked off arm hair? or that those flimsy little hospital blankets just don't cut it for warmth? or that, yes, the food is as bad as it smells from across the room. and i am doubly sure to follow up on patient's questions and to give them a hard and fast discharge plan, to communicate regularly, etc. these are important stuffs. their whole world is contained in that little room and they are afraid and unsure and it's my job to help them find their way out of it. that's how i'm looking at it.

and i'm feeling like i've officially moved on from the feeling of being out of control of my body, feeble, weak and needy. i ran a half marathon today. previous to my illness the most i'd ever done was 6 mls, and during the last 7 wks recovery from my illness, the most i'd done was 4mls. so trying to tackle 13 seemed kind of psychotic...but i did it. i ran the first 9 without stopping and then i ran/walked the last 4. i am sore and tired. but feeling accomplished, blessed, and healed.

I've Been Learnt

the last couple days i was at a PA conference. it was nice to catch up with old PA school friends and professors and others. and the lectures were pretty good. everything from new hypertension treatments to vaccination recomendations to wilderness medicine rescue techniques (all the advice came down to- 'splint it, then pack it with snow.') was covered. pretty educational, if not a little boring. i have no attention span anymore.

and while i was sitting in those lectures, remembering all the things i'd forgotten, i got a little anxious about my body of knowledge and my career. i mean, other than the occasional day practicing "medicine" on the floor on post-op patients, i'm pretty specialized in a very hands-on discipline. i don't brain much while i'm at work. :) i'm afraid i'm forgetting all the medicine i learned in school. would i remember how to diagnose and treat diabetes? what about a heart attack, a rash, or head trauma? yikes. my friends in ER and internal/family medicine seem more plugged in to all this. hmmm...will have to contemplate this further. LOVE my job and always saw myself in some subspecialty (surgery, ob/gyn, etc) so maybe this is just my plight. and i'll have to study a little harder for my re-cert exams (every 6yrs) because they're on general medicine....hmmm....

Speak Spoke Write Wrote

interesting day on the floor with patients today. i noticed all the cool ways i get to communicate. as much as i whine about rounding on patients the rare weeks that i have to do it, i do always learn a lot and in just a few days the relationships you establish with the patients and their families and the juicy human interactions you're part of make it not all so bad. (i guess).

firstly, i have a spanish-speaking family of a young patient who just went through major surgery. the child (the patient) translates on her parents' behalf. how helpless would you feel as a parent at the hospital when the staff is telling you important details of your kid's health and that same kid is the only one who can understand them? not to mention- this gives said kid big responsibility to not accidentally mismanage the truth in translation. ("the doctor says i will only get better if i get a pony for my birthday...yea, yea...and i should be allowed to eat chocolate cake for breakfast everyday when i get home"). i love speaking spanish and am piss-poor at it. but i feel like a total rockstar when i'm the only staff around who can do it at all. hooray for working in a whitebread hospital in the suburbs!

then, i had a patient who formerly had a trach (after they took his larynx among other neck area important parts in a series of surgeries to resect tumors -from years of smoking- just had to say it) and now has a gaping hole in the base of his neck with no ability to speak. except that he writes! beautifully! so we had a conversation like this for a good 20 mins about his time in the airforce and what it was like to be on huge ships like the one being shown on the discovery channel on TV when i came into his room. it was lovely.

amazing how you can get a feel for the personality of someone through such limited interaction. and i mused that- like the great "silent bob"- people with few words always seem so wise! the text written on the silent patient's note pads by his bedside seems so profound. even if it just says in shaky block letters "ham sandwich" or "make that damned PA girl go away and leave me alone" it carries a lot of weight.

and on that note.