That's Not What I Said

i noticed recently that when my family members and friends are having health crises and are retelling the stories or asking my opinion, they will tell me VERBATIM what their doctor said. like, "he says it's not an exact science" or "he said we'll have to wait and see." and then they'll reflect on what the doctor meant when he said that, what he might be missing or withholding, and what might be hidden in the message.

so the words we practitioners use matter. a lot.

this is why, when we were trained to do the female gyn exam, we were told to use only the words "healthy and normal." stick with those adjectives, less you worry them ("uh, huh, hmmm") or creep them out ("your labia looks nice" is not a good thing to say).

and know that they are hanging on every word you say. so be cautious. be wise. and be equally aware of non-verbals. a simple glance toward the door or out the window might tell a patient you are impatient to leave them and don't care about their plight. or, it might tell them that you're hiding something or nervous to share bad news with them. when in fact it might actually mean that you thought you heard the tow truck leaving with your double-parked car. on the flip side, when giving bad news, you have to be direct and sympathetic without giving false hope or no hope. it's a very tricky thing to do.

and i'm the same way with my MD's, by the way. when i'm pregnant and my ob/gyn says things are "perfect" (his favorite word), my heart beats a little more evenly.

words matter. which is why accents or unmatching dialects are challenging for both practitioner and patient. and why you have to try to unload your own personal stressors before encountering your patients. they might just pick up on them and think your mood has something to do with them. not easy. but important.