Hurts. Hurts So Much.

both my brain and my butt muscles hurt. mostly unrelated.

brain hurts because i'm on 'the floor' this week. meaning that i'm not scheduled to scrub any cases. but instead i'm following all the patients of about 8 doctors. which isn't as bad as it sounds- only had about 10 on my list today. but i'm making ACTUAL MEDICAL DECISIONS for them about fluids and antibiotics and pain control and what home meds they can safely take and when they're ready for discharge and dressing changes, etc, etc. plus i'm dictating discharge summaries (scariest thing ever- think seeing a typed transcription of the most idiotic answering machine message you've ever left then multiply that by medical terminology and pagers going off and interrupting your flow and trying to paw through a 10 inch high chart as well as find stuff on the new computer system all while supposedly forming and communicating complete thoughts on a patient's hospital stay into a phone. the first time i did it i asked someone "will they transcribe all my "uh....ummm's...." fortunately, they do not). and i'm on call tonight and have already gotten 3 pages. but not to come in for surgery...but rather about floor stuff. but my little heart stops every time the thing goes off. i've been on call overnight a few times now and it hasn't been bad at all. i'm waiting for the 2am 6 hour case shoe to drop. i'm volunteering for all this call because i heart MONEY. we're going on a few trips in the next few months and for those i want some MONEY. so it's my own fault if i get called in and have a rough night. but please cross your interweb fingers that i won't. i'll keep you posted.

and my butt hurts because when i weighed in monday i was 2 lbs up!!! so i've been busting ass (literally, at the seams) all week working out. did squats and lunges and all kinds of brutal things yesterday and now today all this running up and down the stairs to put out fires with patients hurt a lot. but i will not allow my weight to crawl back up. i will be strong. i will be dilligent. i will be...is that chocolate? can i have a piece? it's low fat if i only have a small corner, right? and it's dark chocolate, so really it's good for my heart and high in anti-oxidants, so technically it's diet food, so i should have a few pieces....

sigh.

(i would seriously cut a bitch for this right now. no joke).