Cry if I Want to, Cry if I Want to....

so my 28th birthday has come and gone. or is going. i still have more celebrating to do later this week w/ my family. and i went out to dinner w/ friends tonight after enjoying a glass of wine and opening an awesome present from my husband.

but i had kind of a meh day. i saw a really neat 5 hr case, but since there were 3 doctors on it, i was just sort of hanging out at the end of the table trying not to fall asleep or get contaminated. and then, sewing up the patient at the end...my ONE JOB...didn't go very well. so not well, in fact, that i had to call in reinforcement to help me finish it. so i was embarrassed and felt dumb. and somehow my little pings of "am i AGED now?" coupled w/ today's inadequacies at work meant that i felt like an old failure. like, 'wasn't i supposed to be settled into a career at 28 instead of being the young, inexperienced pup?' but one of my friends at dinner wisely pointed out that 28 is kind of the starting age for most folks in medicine...so true that.

...but still....why am i not awesome faster?

i think this will just be how it is for a while. some great, fat head days and some really icky, humbling days. gargh.