so...i'm feeling bleh. it's rainy and dark and getting cold and everyone seems to have a sinus infection. i'm downing about 13 packs of emergen-c every day, trying to stave off whatever bug i might get. my tummy has been feeling rotten- i'm certain it's an ulcer/tumor/the plague. i have visions of a bleeding ulcer that needs to be operated on, and some new grad PA making a total mess out of me while i'm helpless under sedation in the OR.
*sniff*
that brings me to my next sad bastard point ("i've lost my tail..." - eeyore). i want to KNOW HOW TO DO STUFF ALREADY! i'm feeling like i'm still slow, in the way, dumb, clueless, miserable, chokey mcchokester...i want to be useful and keen and skilled and graceful and competent and busy and worth the money they're paying me!!! right now i'm still only like the 'best of' PA students. i feel like i'm not offering much and it might be a while before i do.
ack!! sometimes i wish i had some magic potion (not emergen-c, i've certainly tried that one) that would flash me forward to about 6 months from now. when i'll have a better handle on all this and not so much doubt and fear.
but, realistically, i don't want to wish any of this away. for one thing, the process is as (/more) important as the outcome. for another, in six months i'll have to be taking call and working afternoons/nights/weekends. this peaceful piece right now won't happen again.
so that's a nice something to look forward to.
just crabby, i guess. but i'm writing myself a list of things to accomplish this week, and lists usually make me feel a bit calmer. and i'm looking forward to a weekend away w/ my hubby and dog this weekend to the wilderness to celebrate our anniversary.
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1 comment:
i hope you feel better soon! we all wish the time would come soon enough for some things. ;-)
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