Tinkling on Your Fingers

i went for my work physical this morning. the physical part was really quick and pointless. but, like all other health professional screenings i've had in the past- the rest of it is an uncomfortable, grueling process. they make you try on a gas mask thing in case of bio hazard terrorist attack at the hospital- and that's unpleasant. and then they draw 6 pints of blood to check for all sorts of funky stuff. and then they poke you w/ whatever booster you might need to stay totally up to date on your vaccines (over the last few years i've had every hepatitis vaccine out there, tetanus, MMR, millions of TB tests, etc, etc)...and finally they make you pee in/around/next to a cup. this whole drug testing thing is so embarrassing. at this place at least, they don't watch you pee- but they don't let you flush or wash your hands right away and make you stand out in the hall in a skimpy gown while they process your urine...i don't do drugs (other than dramamine- hollah!) but the whole process makes me feel nervous/guilty just the same. i'm prepared at any minute to scream, "IT WAS THE POPPY SEEDS ON THAT ROLL I ATE, I SWEAR!!"

they didn't check me for lice, shave my head, or make me spread my cheeks- but otherwise, i was kind of relating to the prisoners in alcatraz that we heard interviewed. friday i get fitted for my scrubs (orange jumpsuit) and get my new badge (prison ID #) and get oriented (read my rights) at the HR office.

then monday i start official hospital orientation and sometime late next week i'll actually be doing some work hopefully. allegedly they're going to pay me real american money for this work. i couldn't be more excited about that. :)

i'm a little jet lagged and sleepy since we arrived on the red eye yesterday...perhaps this is the reason my eye/urine stream coordination was so 'piss poor.' (AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)

alright- real quick. that reminds me of one more story from our trip. we took a cab down to the pier to catch the ferry to alcatraz. our cabby was a fella from bangladesh. and he was hilarious. he also found himself hilarious. he said things like, "what time does your ferry leave? 9:30? let's hope and pray that you make it. that should take about 3 minutes.....the praying and hoping, not the trip there. that might take a lot longer." and then he laughed hysterically at himself. we passed a car with a vanity plate that said something like "LOL #1." he asked "what does this LOL mean?" we explained that it means 'laugh out loud.' so he opened his window and stuck his head out and laughed maniacally at the car "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" he did this twice, as we drove down the street next to the car. we were giggling helplessly and sort of scooching down in our seats this whole time. at one point (and bear in mind, this all happened in the, maybe, 7 minutes it took for us to get from our hotel to the pier) he asked my dad "where did you get such a deep voice?" how do you answer that? he also inquired if we had ever gone "snow fishing" since he knew we came from a colder climate than california. man, he was goofy.

ANYway....enough! leave me alone- i have to study!