Thursday, July 3, 2008

I'm a Muss

i stole that term from tony shalhoub's character 'adrien monk' in the very witty USA show "monk" about a phobia-driven OCD detective. he says in exasperation at one point that he's 1/2 man and 1/2 wuss....so he's a "muss." since i'm a WOman and a wuss, the fun word that makes is just "wuss" so that doesn't really work. i guess i could be 1/2 female and 1/2 wuss and be a "fuss" but that also doesn't have the same effect. still, i think "muss" works for me since right now i am definitely a combination of a 'wuss' and a 'mess.' (a "wess?" oh, i give up....)

so i've been a complete wreck over the last few weeks since i have not gotten any closer to acquiring a job and am even thinking about a major move for an Ob/Gyn residency program across the country. so much up in the air. and graduation looming not so far ahead. i want the perfect job and i hope i can be patient for it....but i also really could use some income. and the idea of selling plasma or going back to waiting tables isn't so appealing now that i'm 100 years old and will soon have a masters degree.

and you see that? see how i get ahead of myself? every thing's always so dire with me. i need to relax and keep the faith. grow some patience. and perhaps start using sedatives. :) no....a little red wine (and a lot of chocolate cake) is as close as i get to self-medication.

realistically, i'll be fine- just in a huge transition period. i was on my school's campus today to get a transcript and buy myself some school spirit and felt very mournful walking around the grounds i'll forever be leaving soon. school's been trying, but it's been wonderful....and now i'm about to be unleashed onto the world.

...and it's just that i get this anxiety when i actually pick up the phone to make the call to a potential employer. or have to write YET ANOTHER description of how awesome i am and why i would be THE BEST DARNED candidate for the position. i just hate the whole process. eck. i might have to get a body double to do the actual interviewing for me. (if you know any good actresses looking for work, let me know....actually, i'd even settle for a drag queen for the right price....maybe the large hands and unique gender perspective would actually help secure a job in women's health....ya think?)

but i have been more proactive this week- i sent out a half dozen resumes to area hospitals and clinics and have been following up with phone calls. even though i've been hearing a lot of "we're not hiring right now" i also get "...but i'll keep you in mind and will pass your info on to other people i know" so i'm hopeful that my networks will network for me. and i'm also applying for the residency program in case i don't find the right thing locally or i determine that i definetely want the training. and i still have a few more local leads to try....

so anyway....please send your prayers, thoughts, juju, mojo, and well wishes in my direction. especially while my mental wellness seems to be hanging by a fraying thread. :) thanks kindly. i appreciate the support.

1 comment:

Annie said...

Micki and I are sending our positive vibes for you!!! Keep your spirits high and know that everything happens for a reason and just be patient...Things will happen the way the are supposed to! Do you watch Joel Osteen by chance??? Check it out! It really helps keeps things into perspective!