The Knee Bone's Connected to the Head Bone, the....Oh, wait...

new job. good stuff. having fun so far. everyone's being exceedingly nice to me. i wonder if/when the other shoe-covered shoe will drop. they all seem to remember me from when i was a student...which is really flattering, since i was there last september and they go through about 25 students a year. but things are different now. they're invested in me. and they don't drill me with questions, but patiently, kindly answer mine as they come up. and unlike when i was a student, they want to know my personality, who i am. not just that i know how to not break sterile field or how not to trip on myself.

and it's the dream first job- they're giving me all the time in the world to learn what i need to learn- i have several months to get comfortable on all the different surgeries (again, recall we're talking about operating with some 20 different surgeons who all have different methods, and these surgeries range from thyroid to breast to hip to gall bladder to eyelids to heart to veins to brain...anything and everything). PLUS, i will learn how to be competent in internal medicine/surgical followup as i follow patients on the floor post-operatively...and i will learn to put central lines in, feeding tubes, difficult foley catheterizations, etc, etc.

and i love being in scrubs all day every day. i wake up in the morning (at about 5:15am-that part does suck), shower, throw my hair in a ponytail, put on jeans, and go to work. it's great. now all my clothing budget (right...) can go towards fun clothes, not work clothes. speaking of buying fun clothes, i treated myself to a new fancy winter coat that's semi practical and semi totally awesome. it's from H & M and is a bone color with big buttons and other fun features. i can't link to it, cuz their website is all fashion ad wizardry with videos and nothing functional, but trust me when i tell you, it's a very cool coat. i guess i just can't get enough of new white coats. :)

what else? did i mention that they're paying me bunches of money to be elbow deep in intestines every day? it's pretty awesome.

as i said, everyone's being pretty nice to me so far, BUT there are a lot of 'different' personalities in the OR. surgery is kind of notorious for attracting larger-than-life egos. and i've certainly encountered some of them. most of the PA's (there are 25 of us) are wonderful. most of the other staff (surgeons, scrub and circulating nurses, techs, etc) are also wonderful and helpful. but i worked with the #1 most notoriously moody and vicious surgeon on 6 cases on friday. he was kind of nasty to me a few times when i neglected to properly read his mind, but overall, things went fine. i'm in such a great mood with this fantastic new job and having passed my boards, that there wasn't much he could do to mess that up. plus, i am pretty good at letting things roll off of me. and there's lots of support from the other PA's. i'll always be able to vent if i need to. but there are stories (more like the stuff of lores) of surgeons throwing charts at people's heads, kicking staff out of the OR in a fury, scrub nurses smacking students, the list goes on.

i think i can handle it. we'll see. if you ever find me huddled under a desk in the fetal position, rocking and softly singing "when the dog bites, when the bees sting....", please just bring me some graham crackers and tell me everything is going to be ok. :)

by the way, in case it wasn't clear from my last manic post, i passed my boards and am now licensed. my official title is PA-C, which means PA-certified. i also have an MS, but nobody cares about that in the clinical setting. so now that i'm licensed, i'm working on getting my prescribing license and provider ID and stuff in place. boo-ya.

Not for Naught, I'm a Freakin' PA-C!

First Day as a Big Kid

so tired. head hurts. but good first day. everyone is treating me like an actual person instead of a student, which is pretty boss. i did four cases today w/ PA supervision. fun, fun. i didn't pass out or totally blow it, and since they're not pimping me much, i'm not having too many opportunities to make a fool out of myself. yet.

it felt a lot like my first day of my freshman year of high school. not only did i take a lunch in a little baggie, but i had to fight with my locker combination, like, 6 time to get it to open. and then i didn't know where to sit at lunch time, since i don't have a clique yet. and the icing on the metaphor is that there's construction going on at man's best hospital (MBH), so they're making all employees park in a church parking lot, like, 2 mls away...and 'bussing' us in on shuttles. at least, since we all wear scrubs, the popular girls weren't way better dressed than me.

so i'll either have great news tomorrow after i get my boards results or the next post you get will be a notification from my husband, telling you how i fled on a floating engine-less chevy raft to south america and will never be heard from again. if that happens, please send my poor man some money, because he'll have a bitch of a time paying back my loans on his own. now that i think about it, in some parts of south america, there's probably no good translation for "practically a doctor, practically" so i'd have to tell them i'm an actual MD...or a healer or something. i could be quite lucrative at this. and tan. hmmmm....

Not Much to Report....Ho Hum.

orientation today and yesterday. it was a general orientation for all new employees in all departments in all facilities. so i haven't had any actual surgical orientation yet. i did get my pager today, which i have enough experience to know, makes you feel like a super star crime fighter for the first few days and then eventually like you're on a ticked-off tether.

the orientations were corporate, but very inspiring and uplifting. this is a thriving, very well respected and successful hospital company (in fact, i think i will steal from samuel shem and henceforth refer to it as "man's best hospital") that i'll be working for. it offers its employees a lot of amazing amenities and a very competitive benefits/salary package...including things like concierge service where they'll go let your dog out of your house or get an oil change for your car, pick up your dry cleaning, or "anything at all"...i thought this was really awesome. i want to try to think of something really strange to have them do-like take my husband out for our anniversary dinner...or take a hit out on someone i don't like. i wonder exactly what "anything at all" means... i'll let you know what i find out.

anyway. i was never a girl scout (umm....really??) and i have never worked in a certain mega-store that i will not name that originated in the south and is known for its abuse of national resources and flagrant brain-washing employee indoctrination methods and is owned by a certain amsay altonway.....but i imagine that these orientations were kind of a combination of girl scout troupe meetings and aforementioned brain-washings. there was a lot of "hooray! we're the best ones" and repeating mission statements and even drawings of our hospital represented as a boat compared to other local competitors' hospitals represented as other boats (guess who's won the boat race? that's right! cuz WE'RE THE BEST!). but there was also a heavy focus on working as a unified team, committing to honor and be loyal to our work family and most definitely to the safety and well-being of our patients.

those darned HR people made me cry on two occasions. one, when we were talking patient safety, they showed a gut-wrenching video of a speech made by the mother of an 18 month old girl named josie king, who died at the hands of doctors and nurses at johns hopkins. the family started a foundation focusing on patient safety, medication administration precautions, and staff accountability. it was powerful. and they are brave. and it only serve to fuel my absolute terror that i will be in a position where i can kill people. i just keep saying a little chant to myself, "for the love of all things holy, please let someone catch me when i'm about to mess up good, please let someone catch me when..."

AND THEN, they showed us a video this morning as we discussed customer service...about this wonderfully kind, loving, hopeful, and thoughtful guy with down's syndrome named johnny (embedded is a short summary of it, not the actual dramatization that i watched). sniff. he's just so full of sunshine...sniff...and love...(big sobs here).

so anyway...i am now oriented to "man's best hospital" and tomorrow i'll finally be in the OR, being oriented on how to be a surgical PA. i'm terrified. i can't even totally put my finger on what's scaring me....other than that i don't remember any anatomy, how to suture, how to tie knots, how to write prescriptions, how to control blood pressure, my name.....and i'm still going berserker (a "clerks" reference, that i am NOT going to link) about my exam. 2 more days until i know if all this orienting is for naught.

The Memory Lost and Found

i found some pleasant memories while on campus again thursday- this time to get my diploma. i now have an official looking stiff document that says "(my name)" and "masters of science." it gave me pause to actually see that in writing. it's pretty incredible. higher education has become a big deal to me, so i'm proud to have another, advanced degree. but the science part is what floors me. it wasn't all that long ago that i feared and loathed anything science/mathy/brainy. i certainly never thought realistically that i'd be "mastering" anything science-related. i'm really proud. i looked around as i wandered around campus (and bought a bunch of alumni gear...i can't seem to get enough of that stuff these days)....and i thought a lot about all i've gained there the last few years...the friendships, the knowledge, the terrors realized and then conquered. i also mused at all the undergrads lounging all over campus. when i was taking classes ("back in MY day..."), i was there as a grad student.... i wore scrubs, was married and all growed up and was on a weird academic schedule, so we were there all summer when other students weren't. so to me, campus was a very buckled-down, serious, quiet place. but for these undergrads, these precious 18 year olds in their kitschy grouch indie clothes, drawing on sketch pads by the fountain, throwing frisbies in the square, and playing duets on the piano in the quad, this place is there home and their exciting intro into adulthood. it's adorable. and kind of exhausting. i remember all the work it took to be at that stage.

but that's all i remember. well, that, and the nuances of pinot noir grapes in napa valley. surprisingly, there were no questions on either of those topics on the licensing exam i took yesterday. it was a long, rough test and i had a lot of memory loss throughout it. i arrived at the test site at 7:30am for an 8pm start time. i was scared, of course. and then intimidated, as i saw that the security for the test center could shame most fbi headquarters. a bunch of us were taking exams- not just my fellow PA's, but also nurses and others probably taking GRE's and stuff....i don't know for sure, no one was talking very much at that point. they made us take a number. then they called us up one by one to shake us down (empty our pockets of even things like chapstick...oh, yes, chapstick! because there could be a microphone in it or it could contain tiny scrolls of documents or something) and take our fingerprints and photographs and show 2 forms of ID with our names identical on both of them. then they made us leave everything un-test-friendly in a locked locker in the outer room- snacks and water and car keys and CHAPSTICK and then they walked us back to the testing room again ONE BY ONE to explain how the test setting would work. before going into the exam, and then upon leaving and entering every break, we had to have our fingerprint scanned and show picture ID. when we logged off our computer to take a break (communicated to the testing guards without audible words, but rather a twig snapping sign language sign of "break") our pictures would pop up on the screen. there was a key to get into the bathroom. this madness went on and on.

the exam itself was rough. there were things that i just flat out knew. and there were things that i should have known, but just hadn't bothered to go back and memorize. and there were many things that i just had to guess on, because i had either never heard of them, or was familiar w/ the concept, but hadn't seen/read anything about it in 2 yrs and couldn't recall anything about it. and so i kicked myself during the exam. often. it was very frustrating. and tiring. the exam was 360 questions, and we had 6 hours allotted. i thought i'd be done in 4, easy, but it took me 5hrs and 40 minutes. my head hurt and vision was blurring by the end...well, really more like by the 2/3rd mark. it took a lot to stay focused to the end. i just wanted to leave and go cry in the locked bathroom. and the worst thing might be that i won't find out my results for a week. i'm used to getting instant gratification w/ exam scores popping up as soon as i submit the exam, but i'll have to sit on this one. and, the salt on my wound is that if i don't pass this time, i will lose my awesome beautiful surgery job and i will have to wait the mandatory 3 months to pay the $425 to re-take this 6 hr ball-breaking exam!!

but i'm trying to stay positive.

and my fear of certain failure starting my new job monday is actually sort of helping to distract me from my fear of certain failure on the exam. so that's good. :)

today we're hanging out in the college town where my sister goes to school, watching some college football and tailgating and stuff. we had to walk past fraternity row to get to my sister's house and....never mind, there is nothing precious or adorable about undergraduates. they are lame versions of who they were as kids and dumb versions of who they will (hopefully) some day become as adults.

bah-humbug.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Tinkling on Your Fingers

i went for my work physical this morning. the physical part was really quick and pointless. but, like all other health professional screenings i've had in the past- the rest of it is an uncomfortable, grueling process. they make you try on a gas mask thing in case of bio hazard terrorist attack at the hospital- and that's unpleasant. and then they draw 6 pints of blood to check for all sorts of funky stuff. and then they poke you w/ whatever booster you might need to stay totally up to date on your vaccines (over the last few years i've had every hepatitis vaccine out there, tetanus, MMR, millions of TB tests, etc, etc)...and finally they make you pee in/around/next to a cup. this whole drug testing thing is so embarrassing. at this place at least, they don't watch you pee- but they don't let you flush or wash your hands right away and make you stand out in the hall in a skimpy gown while they process your urine...i don't do drugs (other than dramamine- hollah!) but the whole process makes me feel nervous/guilty just the same. i'm prepared at any minute to scream, "IT WAS THE POPPY SEEDS ON THAT ROLL I ATE, I SWEAR!!"

they didn't check me for lice, shave my head, or make me spread my cheeks- but otherwise, i was kind of relating to the prisoners in alcatraz that we heard interviewed. friday i get fitted for my scrubs (orange jumpsuit) and get my new badge (prison ID #) and get oriented (read my rights) at the HR office.

then monday i start official hospital orientation and sometime late next week i'll actually be doing some work hopefully. allegedly they're going to pay me real american money for this work. i couldn't be more excited about that. :)

i'm a little jet lagged and sleepy since we arrived on the red eye yesterday...perhaps this is the reason my eye/urine stream coordination was so 'piss poor.' (AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)

alright- real quick. that reminds me of one more story from our trip. we took a cab down to the pier to catch the ferry to alcatraz. our cabby was a fella from bangladesh. and he was hilarious. he also found himself hilarious. he said things like, "what time does your ferry leave? 9:30? let's hope and pray that you make it. that should take about 3 minutes.....the praying and hoping, not the trip there. that might take a lot longer." and then he laughed hysterically at himself. we passed a car with a vanity plate that said something like "LOL #1." he asked "what does this LOL mean?" we explained that it means 'laugh out loud.' so he opened his window and stuck his head out and laughed maniacally at the car "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" he did this twice, as we drove down the street next to the car. we were giggling helplessly and sort of scooching down in our seats this whole time. at one point (and bear in mind, this all happened in the, maybe, 7 minutes it took for us to get from our hotel to the pier) he asked my dad "where did you get such a deep voice?" how do you answer that? he also inquired if we had ever gone "snow fishing" since he knew we came from a colder climate than california. man, he was goofy.

ANYway....enough! leave me alone- i have to study!